I'm not sure whether it's the cold or our life's events that have exhausted me. I'm tired to the bone. Not wrecked with grief. Rather, worn slam out. Spent. I need a change of scenery but there doesn't appear to be one in sight. Sigh. Pull blanket up further around my post middle aged middle.
If I told you what my family has been through this fall and winter? Truly, you wouldn't believe me. One of my husbands partners recently said "you seriously can't make up your life". No. No,we can't.
The highlights? Well, since you're curious I'll entertain you.
From September until the end of October my husband and I spent every weekend traveling 700 miles round trip to be with my terminally ill father. George entertained us weekly by being cantankerous, belligerent, and snarky.
I had a kidney biopsy, which was great fun, in October. Only to discover that, thanks to Lupus, I'm in the very early stages of kidney problems.
The beginning of November our oldest daughter was hospitalized with bacterial pneumonia. A CT scan showed that a lobe in her lung had collapsed.
Several weeks later I had an allergic reaction to nova cane. My throat closed. Completely shut. Happened twice in 2 weeks. This led me from the ER to the ENT. Only to discover that I am now allergic to all "canes". Thanks Lupus. Oh, and as an added bonus? If I were to contract a life threatening illness? I will be unable to receive the country's only rescue med. Why? Drum roll..because it has a "cane" in it. So that's comforting.
Oh, yeah, not sure how I will ever have pain free dental work or surgery again. Still working on that one. That's right, numbing medicines and anesthesia involve what? You betcha, "canes". Scratch my bucket list of a future face lift.
Oh, and yippee, I also got to go thru a mini endoscopy--medicine free--so they could look at the tissue in my throat. That was fantastic. Guess what they found? A hiatal hernia that is pushing up into my esophagus. Awesome!
Sometime in November, thanks to my good friend Lupus, my neurologist let me know that it is probably not a good idea for me to drive alone long distance any longer. My Lupus migraines have, evidently, the propensity to cause little stroke like episodes. Woohoo! Good to know.
The week of Thanksgiving was spent moving my dad from Virginia to North Carolina. He passed away after being with us only 2 weeks. It was beautiful, sad, and stressful. Draining.
Christmas Eve we were awoken to two men trying to break into our home. My husband met them at the door with a shotgun. From 12:30-3AM we had 8 police cars swarming our neighborhood. One was captured. The other man is still at large. So, that was fun. And comforting too. A silent night it was not.
New Years weekend we spent burying my father. During the service, in the pouring rain, we discovered my fathers urn was too large for the plot he's sharing with our mother. Fortunately the driving rain had left most funeral goers inside the chapel. Those who braved the rain got to witness the jamming of George, sideways, into his new condo.
Finally, our youngest daughter. Well, she made deans list her first semester of college. And let's be honest, A +++ in sorority life. She decides to let us know, via letter from the university on December 23, that she has to complete 48 hours of community service. By January. Due to two drinking tickets this past Fall.
And through it all? You'll still probably find me in my favorite chair tomorrow morning. Waiting to see God's glorious sun rise. Amongst the chaos called my life? I am thankful.
Thankful I had the privilege of serving my dad. Thankful for the support of incredible in-laws. Thankful that this body can still, most days, rise to see the sky. Thankful that my oldest daughter recovered. Thankful that my youngest daughter is on the road to recovery. Thankful for a husband who loves his family enough to protect them at any cost. Thankful for a brother willing to deal with urns after the fact. Thankful for humor and sarcasm. Thankful for my family.
Mostly I'm thankful that the enemy thinks my walk with Christ is worth trying to destroy. I think many of us think that when we say "Yes, Lord" our lives are going to be full of rainbows, skittles, and unicorns. A spiritual utopia of sorts. When our world comes crashing down we cry out "Why, Lord? Why me?" Well, why not me?
What I've learned is that the enemy will try to discourage us. Destroy us. And when he can't he will try to make our lives look like a wreck to the rest of the world. "Yep, those bible bouncing Wooten's? You know the ones right? What a joke". Actually the joke is on those that miss all that God has to offer them. The extreme privilege of knowing that this life is temporal. This too shall pass. But my time with God in eternity will not pass me by.
Under the circumstances I really think I would have completely cracked. If I had not understood the bigger picture. If I did not understand what the enemy was doing. If I did not have utter faith that God was and is in control of my life. Not just one little part I'm willing to give Him on Sunday. But my whole life. The good. The bad. The ugly. He has me in the palm of His hand. And, thanks be to God, for that!
"They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the LORD to care for them."-Psalm 112:7
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