As my husband and I walked in the house we could hear her voice. I listened to her talking on her cellphone. Great detail about two of her twelve roommates that she supervises as the house manager. Discussing how to handle a relapse situation. My first thought was "who is this grown up girl meticulously articulating directions to whomever she was talking too?" My second thought was "She's really good at this!" My third thought was "Thank you, God, for growth. And mercy. And grace."
She was home for a dress fitting the following morning. While other girls are enjoying summer parties and luncheons? Our 19 year old girl is paying her own bills, working two jobs, attending AA meetings, and dealing with problems most of her college peers could not even begin to fathom.
We listen to her tell us about what she deals with, as a manager, of recovering addicts. The attitudes, the frustration, the untruths. She paused and smiled. "I'm good at this because they do to me what I did to y'all. And it sucks because I really like them. I have to tell their parents, who are hysterically crying, that their kids screwed up again. This is hard. I don't like being lied too. I don't appreciate being taken for a fool. I so get y'all's feelings now". She continued "You know Mama what's sad? I'm actually jealous of them. They risked recovery. They got drunk. I can never do that again. I still want too. Even when I see these girls throwing second chances away. I still wish I could too. But I won't. I've worked too hard." Then she added "I also know I'd be homeless. I know you and Daddy would cut me loose." Big smile "You know, I'm not really suited for homelessness". Her humor is a blessing. She's still my heart beat.
As I laid in bed last night it dawned on me that God intends for us to be exactly where we are "for such a time as this". Every single season is for a lesson. He loves us as we love our kids. It is so hard, sometimes, not to give our girl the moon. To cave and say "Yes, you can go to that party. Yes, you can go back to school in August. Yes, I'll buy you new clothes". If it's this hard for us can you imagine how hard it is for the Lord? He wants us to get the hard lessons. If it was easy what reward would there be?
Our daughters major is business. She is not emotional or verbal in the least. She, in the past, excelled at sarcasm as a way to deflect feelings. Yet we listened to her counsel two roommates she had just had to kick out for using. Her poise, her maturity, her compassion were mesmerizing. Quite frankly, amazing.
I've learned a lot about perseverance from my child. I've learned a lot about saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I've learned that as a parent where I lack God fulfills. I've learned that sometimes I've been a lousy parent but He forgives and heals despite my actions. I've learned that there is no greater love than His.
"Look! I make all things new"-Revelation 21:5
*published with permission
