My Mother walks into my bedroom and proceeds to tell me about my parents sex life. I was 23 years old and mortified! I literally plugged my ears and screamed "Mother get out!" She didn't budge. She explained to me that my grandmother never talked to her. No one explained to her the importance of an active & healthy sex life in a marriage. How a healthy sex life makes for a happy marriage, a monogamous marriage, a marriage of longevity. Can I just say, I really hate it,even from the grave, when my Mother is correct?
Our sons and daughters are exposed to such a demented understanding of sex. The worldly view of sex. Even the well intentioned church, as a whole, really isn't addressing it other than to say "don't do it" or if you do "use protection".
It's such a conflicting message for our kids. All our kids see, from an early age, is sex. Unless you are Amish you literally can't escape it. Even country music, historically a "safe" genre with songs about first love, family & trucks, now croons "get drunk & get ya some".
To understand why God calls for sex only in the covenant of marriage we have to dig deeper. Most of us understand the phrase "it takes 3 (Trinity) to become 2 (husband & wife) to become one ( the Bride{church}). God blesses a husband and wife with His love for a covenant marriage. {And} in reverance & love for Him, the marriage strives to bond as one as Christ does with His bride.
But practically speaking, when talking to our kids and friends who are struggling in their marriages, there's more. Satan copies every good thing that God does. He turns good into bad (or evil).
With the advent of smartphones pornography is available 24/7 365 days a year. Click a few buttons and any image you can imagine ( or don't want to imagine) is instantaneously available to you without anyone's knowledge.
The problem for our teens, young men and husbands is that it's not real. There is no way on earth any woman can be that perfect. Once men become addicted to these images they expect every woman to meet these standards. Morality aside, they jump from one partner to the next expecting women to be exactly as visually stimulating as the pornography they are viewing. Every sense of Godliness is removed from this God given marital gift.
God is pretty wise. This is the advise He gives married couples: "Do not deprive one another, but come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."-1 Corinthians 7:4-5
Isn't that awesome? He specifically knew: (1) marriages become stale (2) He knew that fleshly men need to connect with their wives (3) otherwise there is a propensity to find UN-Godly fulfillment elsewhere.
Note also that 1 Corinthians 7:2 says "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." God knew that if we do not bond with our spouses that we will be tempted to commit adultery. Likewise, in all of His majestic wisdom, God specifically tells couples "You shall not commit adultery."-Exodus 20:14.
Right about now my oldest daughter is reading this saying "Really? I can't even!" My youngest daughter is going to text me and say "Is this really necessary Mama? You know this is Rush week right? Just stop!"
Well, yes , girls it's necessary. The reactions that I'm assuming that you are having are exactly why this post is necessary. This culture no longer holds marriage in the highest esteem. Our children, teens and young adults need to know what God designed for marriage. They need to know that, sex in marriage, is the way He designed it. Not because we as parents say so but because The Lord says so.
Kids need to see parents respectfully affectionate. Because, hopefully, if they do their parents marriage will set the standard for their relationships. They will see, believe, and know that they are worth waiting for. They will have enough self esteem to say "no".
We live in a much different world today. Boys and young men expect sexual acts or sex itself after going out one time. If a girl refuses there are others eagerly waiting in line. The daughters of this generation face more sexual encounters than we can ever imagine. This country, no the enemy, has turned sex into a casual act. "Friends With Benefits" is a thing--a common thing.
"Elizabeth, you are living in the 1950's what are you so worked up about? It's just sex!" Well, yeah it is. I don't think our teenagers and young adults realize the long term effects their behavior will have on their
(1) physical as well as mental health (2) their future marriages.
(1) physical as well as mental health (2) their future marriages.
This nonsense about making sure you are sexually compatible is truly a lie from the enemy. The fact that these kids and young adults are avoiding marriage because they can't imagine having sex with one human being for the rest of their lives is also a lie from the enemy.
When you've slept with everyone in your high school, sorority or fraternity you've given yourself away. You've denied your future spouse that intimacy of knowing that they were so blessed, so special, that you have waited your whole life just for them. You now bring every person you've ever had sex with into your marriage. Likewise when you marry someone who has slept with everyone they've ever dated they are denying you the gift of your being "the one". The person they've waited for their whole life.
I digress, back to marriage. Society has fed us the lie that instant gratification is our right. Likewise society has made us believe that it's all about us. If we feel like it we should do it. If we don't feel like doing something, well then, we just don't have too. We no longer believe in serving others.
Couples who are happiest understand Gods premise of a servants heart. No, I don't always want to sleep with my husband. But I love him with all that I am. I understand it's important to him. I understand it's important for our marriage. It keeps the lines of communication open, it keeps us on the same page emotionally and well, it's fun.
Couples who are no longer having sex, sleeping in separate rooms or who are angry all the time will never experience the joys of marriage as God intended. He knew we would fight. We are human. But he also had the foresight to tell us "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger"(Ephesians 4:26). In other words, you're going to fight but work it out before you go to bed".
And one last thing. We serve a redemptive God. He knows we will make mistakes. If you've had pre-marital sex or extramarital affairs ask for His forgiveness. Ask Him to make you anew. Ask Him to let you see your spouse in the same light that He does. He's God he can do anything! He loves you! He wants our marriages to succeed! But we have to put in the work. We must have a servants heart. If He can redeem my marriage, I promise you, He can redeem yours.
"Marital affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable
happiness there is in our natural lives".-C.S. Lewis
