I feel like everyone wants a tiny piece of me and no one's saying "please" or "thank you". To top it off, I've been dealing with a UTI for 3 months. Yes, ladies, that is 90 days. I'm never comfortable without the aid of medication. My yearly sinus infection/bronchitis has kicked in. I'm going in for a z-pack today after I have my crown done. Dear Lord, just take me out back and shoot me with the cows.
Yesterday I decided I would take the entire day to decompress. I had been up all night on the phone. My father, in all of his infinite wisdom, decided to break out of hospice, call 911 from his cell phone, and go to the ER. Whereby they actually admitted him to the ICU. I truly thought, at that point, I would physically drive to Virginia and kill him. My heart was pounding, my temples were throbbing as was my cracked tooth. I spent the early morning hours on the phone with hospice, the ER, the critical care residence unit trying to make sure we weren't paying out of pocket, again, for his hospital field trip adventure.
I had bible study yesterday morning. I texted my sweet friend and said "I just can't come." Which I hated because I've become that girl. The one who is invited to everything. The one everyone's looking around wondering if she is going to remember to show up. My friends are priceless. They understand that these days my life truly can change by the hour. I knew I just couldn't do it. I had pulled an all nighter telephonically and I just needed to decompress.
I got a huge cup of coffee, got comfy in my newly beautifully recovered favorite chair, propped my feet up and opened my bible. No sooner than I did those beeping horn sounds that a school bus makes when it's backing up started. "Are you kidding me!" I looked out the window. One of those city sidewalk sweeper trucks was going up and down our street. I've lived here 25 years and have never seen that truck in our neighborhood before. I got up. Walked back to the bedroom. I got some earplugs and headed back to my new comfy chair. I'm not making this up. Final leg going up on the ottoman and BAM! loud knocking on the front door. I swear I audibly said "Go away!"
I realized my quiet time just wasn't going to happen. So I took a shower. I actually laid down on the sofa to read and fell asleep for 2 hours. When I woke up the Holy Spirit told me to read Matthew 24. As I opened my bible the first verse that stuck out on the page, already highlighted, staring at me:
"But the one who endures to the end will be saved"~ Matthew 24:13
And then it hit me: I'm enduring life right now and I will survive. Granted, Matthew 24 is about the return of Jesus. But in that moment, when I read that, it was all OK. I finished the chapter and realized that all of this is temporal. Every single bit of it! Praise God! It matters how I handle it. It matters how I'm living it. But it will not last forever. My place in eternity will.
As we were leaving the farm this past Sunday afternoon I took this shot at dusk. What was pertinent to me was that the picture shows darkness. Yet there is so much color. I started thinking "Oh my gosh, in all of this darkness and chaos in my life right now God is really actually in control." All it took was a bible verse and a painted sky.
I was quickly reminded that I'm the one who needs to be saying "Please, Lord, I need your help" and "Thank you, Lord, for being there".
"Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth."-Colossians 3:2
