Remember that time you showed up late to class. You were out of breath. You scrambled in just before the door was closed. Just as you put your books down you realized everyone around you was preparing for a test. A test you had known about for weeks. You knew it was coming. You didn't prepare.
That's how I've felt for the past 3 1/2 years. I've known this time was coming. I've tried to prepare. Mostly I've just ignored it. Thought it would never get here so quickly.
Sunday afternoon my brother and I closed the door to our childhood. All of the items in our Dad's assisted living apartment are packed, stored, sold or donated.
After my mother died I promised myself I'd be prepared with my Father. He refused to come live with us. He didn't want to live with my brother either. He did agree, however, to stay near my brother. So he moved into an independent living apartment within an assisted living community.
We knew he was very depressed. My Dad basically stopped living when our Mother died. We just didn't realize how bad. My brother ate dinner with him every Sunday. He would always meet Marc in the lobby. When we came to visit he would always meet me in the lobby. In hind sight he never invited us in. We just assumed that it was less walking for him ( he uses a walker and a wheelchair). We had no idea the condition in which he was living. The bondage he was experiencing.
It took my husband, sister-in-law, Marc, and me three weekends. We did it. We had no idea how destroyed this man was over loosing his bride of 50 years. What makes me so sad is the missed opportunity. He could have used these last 3 1/2 years to flourish. Savor every last taste, smell, hug, and luxury life has to give. Instead he lived in the past, drank far too many martini's, and gave up.
Every single day you are on this earth is a gift from God. It's not promised to us. It's a gift. Every single day, no matter how bad the circumstance, God can be found. He's everywhere. You just have to choose to see Him. You can choose to praise Him or not. Life is just delightful when you realize it's a gift. God put you exactly where you needed to be in that given moment.
I have several friends that I'm walking this journey with. We all have parents at the end of life. They've all been successful professionals, strong marriages, happy children, and grandchildren. Yet all of our Dad's are living with sorrow, anger or regret.
The fact of the matter is that life will never go according to our plans. One of my favorite scriptures is:
"We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps."-Proverbs 16:9
When we understand that The Lord ordains everything then life makes sense. When we understand everything in our life has been allowed by God life makes sense. If you understand that God meant for you to be in that exact moment in that exact place in that exact time? You got it, life makes sense. When you understand He is trying to teach you, love you, grow your horizons, open doors, close old ones, yes, life makes sense. We are able to know Him. We become connected with Him. There are simply no regrets because we understand it was a moment in time for our choosing.
How will choose to spend today?
How will choose to spend today?
"Seek the Lord while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near."-Isaiah 55:6
