When we woke Sunday morning we were tired, stuffy, and puffy. You know, that feeling like you've been at a slumber party.
My husband, oldest, and I went to the dining room of the hotel to get breakfast while the youngest slept. It's been a grueling weekend for us all.
My father lit up like a lantern when his granddaughters walked into his ICU room. He can't talk or write. {But} he grabbed their hands and held them tight.
My handsome brother and gorgeous sister in law arrived shortly after we did. They had been with our Dad all week. In fact, my sister in law met with the Doctors and was able to explain to our family, in great detail, George's medical story.
My husband and sister in law have been absolutely amazing. I guess because they are not as emotionally invested. They are able to access, digest, and implement a plan of action.
I don't want to die the way my Father is. My Mother passed away 3 1/2 years ago. He's alone during the week. Their friends have all died or moved out of the area to be closer to their children. He is at the mercy of his health caregivers until we arrive at night and on the weekends. He is completely dependent on others.
My Dad did several things this weekend that defied logic. He refused a feeding tube, he refused to be intubated, and he refused a catheter. My husband and sister in law didn't get it at first. Marc and I immediately understood. We went through this with our Mother. Our Dad is going to die on his own terms. This is his last stance. His finally grip on independence.
We are meeting with the end of life health care providers on Monday morning. They will help plan our Fathers transition from life to death. It's funny, I realized this weekend that we have done a great injustice to our society. In the spirit of "helping" people we've pushed out clergy and pulled in "end of care life providers".
I'm all for helping people acclimate to the transitional shift that happens between hospital and home. {But} shouldn't the focus be taken off of making the family and patient feel good in the here and now? Shouldn't we be worrying about the rest of eternity? Transitioning the patient from life to heaven?
God gave us abundant gifts this weekend. My favorites were eating meals with my brother, sister in law, nephew, and our grown daughters. The second thing was the time my children got to spend with my nephew & their cousin. Isn't it funny in death we experience life? Lastly, was the beautiful sunset we all experienced from my Dad's hospital room Saturday night.
There are no drapes on his windows. The sun is blinding. Then it dawned on me. My Dad is not alone during the day. The Lord IS with him. Through that window he sees the promise of a new day dawning. The gift of another day lived as the sun sets. The glory of the heavens that await him.
I had all these spectacular visions of talking to my Dad about Jesus. Then I realized Jesus is right there in that room with my Father. I whispered "Dad, I love you and so does The Lord" before I left. He opened his eyes and formed praying hands. One tear went down his cheek. I'm not sure if he was saying "pray for me" or "HE is with me". Either way I know he is in great & mighty hands.
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy."-James 1:2
