I try not to be a big whiner. Can I just say I'm utterly exhausted? To the bone tired. Our journey is just beginning.
I got a phone call yesterday, while in bible study, from my brother. The doctors want to meet with us on Saturday morning. This is never good. This is how it started with Mother.
My Dad has been in the hospital since Sunday. The flap in the throat that opens and closes has disintegrated. Everything he eats or drinks is making a b-line straight for his lungs. He can't breathe.
Marc called to ask where the healthcare power of attorney was because the Doctor needed it. Never good.
My Mother's brother's wife ( her sister in law) has healthcare power of attorney. We did that when Mother was sick. My aunt by marriage is a critical care nurse. It made sense because my brother lives an hour away and I'm 6 hours--sometimes 9 depending on 1-95 traffic.
In a crazy turn of events my uncle has since died and our aunt has moved 4 states away. Her cell phone now says it's no longer connected. Funny, we need the connection right now.
Nobody prepares you for the legalities of death. Thank God for my husband. He actually understands the wills, estates tax, filing for death and life insurance etc..
It's funny, you just can't die. Even death is complicated. I wonder if man has made it complicated but God has used it to His and our advantage? It bides us more time. It allows us to have peace with the person we are saying goodbye too. It gives us time to "get it right".
It's an overwhelming thought of my childhood parents being gone. I mourn for what was. I praise Him for what will be. It seems strange: me, just shy of 49, and Marc,42, parent-less with no family members left. We have one cousin in South Carolina. That's it. Just us and our kids. We both married into large families. We hold those relationships tight.
I'm at peace with my Dad. Have been since Mama died. My precious handsome little brother? Not so much. I pray that they have time to make things right. My Dad is boisterous to say the least. He, as of this week, can not speak. This made me smile at God. George has no other option but to listen to us.
I don't know if this is goodbye or not. It sounds like it. Robin and I will head up tonight. Our girls are driving up Saturday. We didn't ask them too. They both said The Lord put it on their hearts to say goodbye.
I'm hoping this is not goodbye. You see I have no idea if I will see my Dad in heaven or not. My Dad is more "churched" than anyone I know. {But} does he know The Lord? I don't know. Does he want to go to heaven because he wants to spend all eternity in the glory and presence of God? I think he's hoping to go to heaven to be with his bride ,my Mother, not the Bridegroom . Now that he can't talk he will have to listen to me talk to him,one last time, about Jesus. I know The Lord ordained this throat thingy for a reason.
Elizabeth, that's ridiculous ! You say your Dad is churched? Of course he's going to heaven! That's between your Dad and God. Well, yes it is. However can I really risk letting my Dad not be in heaven for all eternity? The thought of anyone I love not going to heaven grieves my soul.
My parents probably would not have won parents of the year awards. I don't even know if Marc and I can say "Well, they tried their best with what they were given". They most assuredly loved us. We were raised with the mindset "children are to be seen not heard". We both agree, however, that they gave us each two beautifully extraordinary gifts. (1) We both value and adore our spouses because our parents put their marriage first. Our parents adored each other.(2) We both strive to be extraordinary parents. We both have made it a priority to let our kids be loved on every single day no matter the circumstance. My brother makes my heart smile with joy. He's the Daddy he always longed for.
God is good. I will say it again God is good. He allows , and uses, our life experiences to mold us into who He knows we should be. Who He envisioned us to be before we were formed in the womb.
Everything and everyone has a purpose. No deed or person is unredeemable. Every life and every relationship has a purpose unto heaven. God gives us hope in Him for the great big mess we make of us. He's so good my heart sometimes feels like it's going to explode.
Pray for my family this weekend. Pray for my brother's peace. Pray for my children's safety driving up 1-95 for 6 hours by themselves. Pray that my Dad will have eyes to see and ears to listen to the good news that awaits him. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.
"As surely as I live says The Lord, 'every knee shall bow; every tongue will confess and give praise"- Romans 14:11
