My Mother and I rarely saw eye to eye on anything. Except my husband, my children, and my in-laws. She adored each and every one of them. She loved to come visit so she could go to bible study and bridge with my Mother-in-law. Drove me crazy. I wanted her to help with babies--she came to town to socialize. That was Jane. Later in life we called a truce. Eventually agreeing a weekend was a long enough visit. We got along best telephonically. Soft smiles.
I loved my Mother deeply. My love of the South came from my very Southern Mother. Never leaving the house without painted nails and lips? Yep, all Jane. Writing thank you notes within 48 hours? Ditto, Jane Condrey. A belief in God was instilled, I'm sure, at birth by my mother. My love of flowers, art, music, researching, and exploring back roads all come from my Mother. The uncontrollable urge to write review notes in cookbooks after preparing the recipe? That'd be Jane. My need to see perfectly monogrammed towels and linens in every room of my home? Jane Condrey monogrammed my diaper pins if that gives you any indication.
She has been gone four years. I still have her telephone number saved in my "favorites" list of my iPhone. I use her handwritten recipe cards, even though I know them by memory, at least twice a week. I love seeing her perfectly penned elementary school teacher handwriting on the yellowing cards printed "From the kitchen of Jane Condrey Williams". A day does not pass that something doesn't remind me of her. Ironically, after four years, I often start to call her and then remember I can't. It kind of jolts me back. She is gone.
Our walk with God is very much like our relationship with our loved ones. We may have periods in our lives where we disagree or question. Or seasons where we feel like we're not in sync. We love deeply. He is with us. He is a part of us. Always there. His Royal Blood is running through our veins. Our walk must be intentional. We must choose to put Him first in our lives. We must choose to understand His word. Truly grasp what His word tells us. Understand why He is who He is.
I love the fact that God prepares us for life, not only by our circumstances, but with the people He specifically handpicks to be in our path. I have learned how to navigate the difficult waters of communication with one of my daughters based on my relationship with my Mother. I have had moments of total enlightenment. "Oh, Dear Lord, I sound like Jane! No wonder I drove her crazy!" The older I get? The longer she has been gone? I think I have finally begun to "get her". To understand her. I love that God, in loss, only brings to memory the funny things. The beautiful moments. He brings clarity and closure.
I miss hearing my Mother say "I declare" and "I suwannee". I miss not being able to tell her about her Granddaughters milestones. I miss being able to pick up the phone and call her "You'll never believe who I saw today?" I hope you are in heaven sipping your beloved iced tea. Teaching the angels to read. Organizing your next luncheon. I feel certain you've discussed doctrine with Jesus and probably argued with Him. I know you were thrilled to see Daddy again in December. I long for the day when I can see you again. When I can say "thank you" for all of the little idiosyncrasies that, at the time, drove me crazy. As a mother? I now think I understand the method to some of your madness. I love you and miss you every day.
"You are precious to me"-Isaiah 43:4
