You know how when your children do something kind you just want to bust with pride? You just want to squeeze them because you're so proud of who they've become? Well, my husband did that last Friday.
Every Friday on his way home from work he stops and buys me flowers. He calls it "Flower Friday". It's a ritual I never tire of. Anyway, after Robin buys me flowers he then stops at the dry cleaners.
Every Friday the young girl in the drive thru at the dry cleaners comments on the flowers. They apparently have a great rapport. She puts in her opinions of the flower choice of the week. If she suggests another color of roses or tulips he takes note for the following week.
Two weeks ago she made the comment that no one had ever given her flowers. As she handed him his shirts she told him the following Friday would be her last day.
My precious husband bought her one dozen pink roses, her favorite, this past Friday. He said she almost started crying. "I had a really stressful week. A crappy week. It felt good to make someone happy". Right then I thought my heart would explode with pride and love.
Seven years ago when we started re-building our marriage we started with baby steps. We each tried to do something for the other that made the other feel special.
My husband has an incredibly stressful job. My kids learned early on that if they checked the closing bell of the market at 4 PM they could pretty much predict his mood when he walked in the door at six o'clock . The stress is particularly intense because he truly is a nice guy. Those of you who know him know that he's honest to a fault.
When clients loose money he sometimes gets pretty beat up. He takes it to heart and beats himself up. That stress often was brought home. Instead of talking about his day he mentally just shut down and shut me out.
He would change his clothes and start working in the yard or cleaning the house behind the cleaning lady or me. I know, I know "Elizabeth that's a problem I'd love to have! I can't believe you're complaining". Well, after awhile you start to feel ignored. You begin to feel that you can't do things well enough or the right way. You start to feel unappreciated.
When God started working thru our "junk" one of my prayers was that my husband would communicate and really express his thoughts.
He just wanted food. No seriously, he was hungry. Many days he's too busy to eat lunch. He felt appreciated and loved when I had prepared a meal and had it ready when he walked thru the door.
During those rebuilding days that was tough! We had two children I was carting everywhere for activities. I also owned my own business. Between dealing with clients, school board meetings, church activities, kids homework and sporting events several times a week I was running on empty.
Sometimes I would buy baked chicken breasts, green beans and sweet potatoes from King's Barbecue and put it in my casserole dishes. Other days I'd go to the grocery store salad bar make a huge salad and slice up a rotassaire chicken. I was determined to create a stress free environment. Side note: these days it's easy. My kids are grown and I actually have learned to love cooking. I love that he looks forward to it.
When Robin told me about the flowers he bought for the girl at the dry cleaners I immediately thought "Thank you, God for softening his heart!"
A few minutes later a voice {Holy Spirit} popped in my head as clear as day "He has a servants heart, Elizabeth. You've just now begun to accept his servitude. You were too wounded. You took his actions as criticism."
Wow! Just wow! Really God? Really? I found myself arguing with Him. {But} He's God so I figured he was probably right.
Sometimes we pray for The Lord to change our circumstances or peoples actions. Often times we are actually the ones who need a spirit check.
My mother used to tell me that often times when we don't like someone it's because we see something in them that we don't like about ourselves. I didn't think so at the time but she was pretty wise.
Robin cleaning behind me and doing yard work was a stress reliever for him. {But} it was also his nonverbal way of showing me he saw how stressed I was. He was trying to help...he just didn't know how to communicate it.
If you haven't made God the foundation of your marriage I highly recommend that you do. He does work miracles. He does humble us and challenge us. He teaches us to serve each other so that we can serve others. It's a process. It takes time. If you're willing to follow His directions it's an awesome ride!
"The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."-Matthew 23:11-12
