A Thorn In The Flesh

My life is a comedy of errors. No, really. I can't make this stuff up. I had a crown put on yesterday. The novocain made me feel weird but nothing different than any other time. I went home, made dinner, paid the cleaning lady, and got ready to run errands. My tongue started to swell. I texted my doctor. No response. I figured she must be really busy. Called the dentist office. They were closed. My next door neighbor is a retired dentist. So, I strolled over to his house. No one was home. By this time I was having difficulty breathing. My other neighbor was gone. My dang cell phone would not call out and our home phone had been left off the base. Dead as a doornail. I texted my husband. He called my father in law who came and graciously picked me up. Delivered me to my doctors door step.

My doctor came in and said "why didn't you text me?!" At this point I couldn't talk. Yep, my throat was closing. Got shot with benadryl and  some steroids. Waited in her office for a few hours. Waiting. Waiting to see if she was going to have to admit me to the hospital. Robin arrived. My tongue went back down to normal. The Benadryl worked. Praise God. I looked at Kris, my doctor, and said "You, know, this is getting to be not only comical but embarrassing". "What the heck, Kris!? This sucks!" P.S. I would have washed my kids mouth out with soap if they had said "sucks". Great, now I'm a hypocrite too. She just looked at me and said "Elizabeth, for whatever reason, the Lord has given you these crosses to bare. I don't know why. He's using you. That's why it doesn't suck.  It could always be far worse".

Riding home I had a discussion with God. "Dang it, HEAL ME! I don't want to do this anymore. I feel terrible, I'm huge, I am tired . I've had enough. Please, Lord, Please. Just heal me. I'll never ask why again. I won't complain anymore. Please." And in that moment I realized there are people, some of my friends, dealing with or who have dealt with cancer. They are  fighting to live. I'm just struggling. I'm alive. Inconvenienced, yes. Uncomfortable, yes. Embarrassed that my body is uncontrollable, yes. But I am alive.

So the question remains, for all of us, why? Why is it that God puts all of us through trials?

Paul is a perfect example of someone who lived  through continual trials. Yet he never gave up hope. He never stopped trusting God. In 2 Corinthians 11 we read about what Paul lived through. 

He was imprisoned repeatedly 

He was flogged repeatedly 

He received 39 lashes five times

He was beaten with rods 3 times

He was stoned

He was shipwrecked 3 times

He was in continual pain

He went weeks without sleep

He was often starved 

Reading further we find that in 2 Corinthians 12 because of the abundance of revelation given to him, Paul was given a thorn in the flesh to keep him humble. When Paul asked, three times, for the thorn to be removed God refused saying His grace was sufficient. And there it was in black and white. God was keeping Paul humble. The Lord was more concerned about building up Paul's character. Preventing pride. Even Paul  tells us that he learned God's power is made strong in our weakness. God was also teaching Paul to be totally dependent on Him.

If we have a tendency to have a haughty spirit or independently rely on ourselves it is quite possible the Lord is trying to redirect our character. Why? When we appoint ourselves, our material possessions, our social status, our checkbooks, our name as the one most important in our lives we push God to the side. We can't see Him. We can't feel Him. We can't hear Him. We are unaware of Him. We do not need Him. When everything is stripped away it is then that we cry out to the Lord. We ask Him to take over. We cling to Him. We put Him first in everything in our lives.

I guess the lesson for me is His grace is sufficient. For whatever reason God has allowed me to walk it out. The good, the bad, the painful, the ugly.  Five years ago I would have never publicly testified about Jesus. Yes, I believed, but I would not preach about Him. Ten years ago I would say I was hauty.  A decade ago I needed no one. I relied on me, my husband and our checking account. Today? My life revolves around the Lord. My relationships are Godly ones. I know exactly who and why every person in my life was put there. Some days I still struggle with my thorn. I still ask Him for healing. But I know now it will be in His time frame not mine. And with the faith of a child I must trust that He has me in the palm of His hand.

What is the thorn in your side? What is God trying to show you? Are you listening? 

"I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me"-Psalm 16:8