"My Childhood was filled with secrets. We were never encouraged or allowed to speak the truth about what was "really" going on behind the scenes in our home. As I grew up and out of that - I chose to speak up and speak out. There is no testimony in your life with out testifying. My story is messy. My life is overwhelmed by pain, grief, sin and dysfunction. I have not been a perfect wife or mother. But I still laugh, I love and I breathe. I love God more than any accolade, attention, or stardom. Unshakeable intimacy with Jesus. It has been tested, tried and I cannot be convinced that he does not love me. I am redeemed, reconciled and will rejoice forever. He is the Lord of my life, Healer and Comforter”.
I have never been to a single high school class reunion. Not one. I guess I never thought I was memorable. My husband loved his high school. He could never wrap his head around why I wouldn’t want to attend my reunions. High school was a confusing time in my life both socially and at home. I had convinced myself, in my mind, that the whole four years were just miserable. And then my brother reminded me that I had received a senior superlative out of a class of over 400. I had completely forgotten that. There were good memories. Mostly I think God just used that time, unbeknownst to me, to prepare my heart for Him.
This past Saturday night my husband and daughters alma mater celebrated their 50th anniversary with a gala at our country club. My husbands cousin came to stay with us. It was a joy watching Kelly and Robin relive happy shenanigans from back in the day. Saturday night we went to the party. We had a blast. I saw friends from college, my daughters former teachers and coaches, parents of our kids friends that we hadn’t seen in years. It was great fun. I had one of my husbands high school friends pull me aside to tell me that I was the most transparent person she had ever read. As an individual I am actually a bit shy. I guess that's why I felt the call to write. To share. I immediately thought of Chonda Pierces quote "There is no testimony in your life with out testifying”.
How many times do we go through the motions of “Hey how are you?” “I’m great how are you?” When in fact, we are not great. Now there is a place and a time to share. The grocery store is not the place to unload all of your woes on your neighbor who was simply saying “hey”. But I have found that the Holy Spirit will nudge us. He will give us the discernment of when and whom to share our story with. The greatest gift you can give another human being is hope. Hope that life is good. Hope that there is redemption in any circumstance…period.
I loved listening to all of the high school stories this past weekend. Looking at yearbooks. Laughing over 80’s hairstyles. Listening to the larger than life recaps of sporting moments. But you know what I loved more? Sharing God’s love with that one person who approached me. Here’s the thing about your story. It’s yours. No one can take it from you. And, actually, it’s yours to give away. Without giving it away? No one will ever know the power of the Gospel. Living, breathing, modern day miracles. Standing before you. A life transformed by the undeserved, unmerited, love of a remarkable Savior. God's Grace.
The fact is that our lives are messy. We can lie and say they are not. We can embellish and make them sound fabulous. We can do everything we know how to do monetarily and physically to convince ourselves and our little world that we are fabulous. The truth is it's all a lie. I find that refreshing. If we were able to create that perfect family utopia Jesus never would have had to die for us, Amen?
I have made huge mistakes in friendships, my marriage and my parenting. Unlike those high school momentous milestones I don’t particularly care to replay or relive them. But they are important. Those mistakes are (and continue to be) the foundation of who I am. Those mistakes laid the foundation for Christ to change my heart. To change me. To save me.
If Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior? If He has redeemed and reconciled your life? That's your story! That's the moment in history worth reliving and retelling. That's the touchdown. That's the undefeated season. That’s your redemptive story that just may give someone else victory. That's the good stuff.
"They triumphed over him (the accuser) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death"- Revelation 12:11
