All morning I've been asking God to show me, specifically, what it is that I am mad about. Have you ever done that? It's hard! There are so many feelings stirred up out of no where! So emotion by emotion I've tried to weed thru them. All the while trying to find compatible scripture. I'm doing this because I know I can not rely on my own feelings.
I'm mad at my side of the family. And my husbands side of the family. Mad that we have genetic dispositions that are hereditary. It's not fair (note the puckered out bottom lip and whine that I achieve when I say that). I'm mad because my grown daughters know our family tree. Yet playing Russian Roulette seemed reasonable? I'm mad that I can't control it. And I can't fix it. I'm mad that this has hijacked our family. I'm mad that it's my child and not me. Some days I'm mad at my daughter. I just want to shake her and scream "What is wrong with you!" or "You have broken my heart!!" Then other days it's agony knowing I can't wrap my arms around her, rub her back, and tell her how proud I am of her. How much I love her.
The bible actually has quite a lot to say about anger. Here are a few scriptures I've found this morning.
"Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing"-Psalm 37:8
"A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, And a man of evil devices is hated"-Proverbs 14:17
"He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly"-Prov. 14:29
"A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."- Proverbs 15:1
"Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, For anger resides in the bosom of fools"-Ecclesiastes 7:9
"BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger"-Ephesians 4:26
Ephesians 4 caught my attention. The Lord is telling us righteous anger is okay as long as you don't stay in it. As long as you grow from it and move on. Don't go to bed still furious about something 5 years ago. Okay, so that made me feel a little bit better. What I'm feeling is pretty normal. Ecclesiastes 7:9 got me thinking. "Be not hasty in your spirit to be angry: for anger rests in the bosom of fools". The word "fool" stood out so I looked it up. In Latin it literally means "to putter aimlessly; waste time". So obviously God is telling us being angry, for too long, is literally a waste of time.
Next I tackled "control". I have an issue with it. I can't control what is happening to my kid. I, some days, feel like I can't control my emotions. What does the bible say about control? This is the very first verse I found:
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."-2 Timothy 1:7
Hmmm, so if I'm reading this right my not being able to control this is literally just fear? Bingo! I am scared to death that my child will not recover. I am scared to death my child won't have a normal life. I am scared to death my child will choose to walk away from treatment. I'm scared to death I will loose my daughter to this disease.
The next verse I stumbled upon was:
"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring
lion, seeking someone to devour"-1 Peter 5:8
lion, seeking someone to devour"-1 Peter 5:8
If I remain angry? Try to control the uncontrollable? Fearful that the unthinkable will happen? The enemy is waiting to jump all over me. We know as Christians we are sealed. But the enemy has his demons stationed all around you. Your spoken words of insecurity are all he needs to attack. Before you know it you will be experiencing anxiety and fear in all areas of your life. That's how satan rolls.
Don't you love how God speaks to us through scripture?! Every single time I need to problem solve I can open my bible and find God's answer to my earthly problem. So what did I learn? My fears are legitimate ones. If I do not move past them I am literally just wasting time. There will be no resolve. And worse than that? My continual discussing of the fear will allow satan to attack. He will take my insecurities and turn them into anxiety in order to paralyze me with fear.
So what do I do to avoid this? I pray the blood of Jesus over my family. I pray for a hedge of protection to surround my daughter. I pray for the Lord's angels and arc angels to keep watch over all of us. I tell the enemy that I am covered in the blood of Jesus Christ and he must flee. He has no dominion over my family. Amen.
"Do not be afraid of sudden fear Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; For the LORD will be your confidence And will keep your foot from being caught"-Proverbs 3:25-26
