I Do

Twenty six years ago today we were in our early 20's getting ready to walk down the isle of the church I grew up in. Preparing to say "I do" before our family and friends. Promising, before God, forever and always despite circumstance.

Twenty six years ago I was a young, very self centered girl, madly in love with a handsome, quiet, eastern North Carolina young man. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. But I did know that I, quite simply, could not imagine living a single day without this man.

Twenty six years ago we said our vows. I was so overwhelmed with joy that I cried through the entire service.  

Twenty six years ago today I promised to love and cherish this man until  death do us part. In sickness and in health. For richer and for poorer. 

Twenty six years ago the world was our oyster. Twenty six years ago we had absolutely no idea the adversities we would face and ultimately overcome. 

One of the things that I'm most grateful for is that my husband, without even being aware he was doing so, helped me grow up. He has always put me and our girls needs first. Always. Without question. Without even knowing what he was doing he was a biblical husband. And let me tell you, as in most marriages, there were seasons we did not act very Godly towards one another. 

As we await for the Lord to return for His church, for His  beloved Bride, our marriages are to prepare us to be presented to Jesus. Here on earth we work out the junk. The ultimate goal is for our husbands to present their Brides to Christ. 

I will forever be grateful that my husband patiently waited for me to become the woman, mother, and human being that God intended me to be. 

For the past twenty six years we've had a lot of laughter, a lot of tears, and a lot of love. We've gotten a lot wrong. But we've also gotten a lot really right. We've lived through more than most couples go through in a lifetime. All of it preparing us to be the people God has called us to be.

And just as I prepared aimlessly twenty six years ago for my wedding day? Today I prepare, wait, and watch. All of these life lessons with my best friend and partner for life? Well,  they have been to help me prepare to meet my Bridegroom face to face.

I couldn't be any prouder of who we've become as partners and people. God has been merciful and faithful. Robin Wooten you are simply the best. Thank you for loving me unconditionally even when I deserved anything but love. I'd do it all over again in a New York minute just to get to this place in life with you. 

We still have "junk". And we are by no means perfect. But you are perfect for me. I hope to, one day, stand with you shoulder to shoulder before God's throne. Hopefully, He will look at us with compassion and say "Job well done faithful Saints. Welcome home my Beloved(s)".

"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony"– Colossians 3:14

His View

I remember vividly when the Lord started pulling me out of this world. The severing of relationships was much like ripping a band aid from tender skin. It hurt. I hurt. 

He isolated me. Hid me away for seven years. During those years he stripped me bare. Exposed the wounds. Stitched me up. Healed my mind and refilled it with what was righteous and true. He pieced my heart back together by filling it with an unworldly view. His view.

When the physical and psychological rebirth were complete He answered my prayers. I had prayed steadfastly for Godly friends. I knew I could not go back to my former ways.  The Lord answered my prayers. No, actually He exceeded them. He led me out of the wilderness.

Through a series of events, which can only be described as supernatural, God guided me to a bible study with over 80 women. It was there that I learned my earthly value as a human being from a biblical perspective. Those women met me where I was. They loved me despite myself. 

Over a decade later I am abundantly blessed and privileged to call many of those same women my best friends. True sisters in Christ. I had never had friendships like these before. Most of these women are in different towns. We may not talk every day or see each other but once a week. But they are my life line. Women who get together regularly to laugh, cry, cheer each other on, laugh some more, pray together, and praise God for being His daughter(s). His Bride. No gossiping. No judgement. No criticism. No back stabbing. No hidden agendas. No jockeying for position. Friendships as God calls them to be. 

I love each of these Ephesians 4 friends dearly. 

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those that hear. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as Christ has forgiven you"-Ephesians 4:27-31

As our world gets more complicated I find that my "inner circle" has become ever increasingly simple and small. And that, for me, is a good thing. God calls us to live in a like minded community with other Believers. We need checks and balances to walk with the Lord. We should be reflecting an attitude of Godly living not by our words but by the fruit of our actions. We need our brothers and sisters to walk beside us. To lift each other up. To encourage each other. To serve one another.  

What we do not need is the drama and chaos of the "friendships" paraded out before us on television. Reality TV relationships should never be our reality. I grieve for all of our daughters who believe that Desperate Housewives are the norm. There is no desperation in a life walked with friends in Christ's name.

"Hold tightly to what is good"~Romans 12:9

"But I'm The Daddy"

I strongly dislike hospitals. Today I'll be sitting in one for about four hours. They tell me it's not a big deal. Our surgeon is a dear friend and brother in Christ. I trust him. He's talented. Kind. He will pray over her. But I'm a Mama. Funny, all I want to do is call mine. To hear her voice one more time. Sigh.

Two years ago today our oldest daughter was diagnosed with Lupus. Two years to the day she's in surgery. She's having a port put in. Her 23 year old veins are taking a beating from her monthly infusions. The medicine, praise God, is working. So far the disease has not reached her kidneys. Mild lung damage. So far her life is normal. Well, not normal for a 23 year old. Thankfully above Lupus normal.

So I will sit and wait. I'm no different than any other family member waiting on a loved one. "But I'm the Mama" I say to myself. I wish I could take this journey for her. Yet in an odd weird way I get the privilege of walking it with her.

Our town is small. I'm aware that people wonder why we are always together.  We understand each other. The general public doesn't want to hear ( who blames them?!) about our aches, pains, kidney, lung, joint, migraine, dental, and skin problems. 

With my girl? Well, we get each other. My youngest calls it enabling. I have to smile. She's probably some what correct. It's like anything. Unless you've walked it you don't understand it.

This summer has not been anything like I had planned. Jesus makes me chuckle. I'm a perpetual planner. That's code for control freak. Yet this summer He has reminded me that I can make my plans but He will number the days (Proverbs 16:9). He's teaching me patience. Perseverance. He is asking me to wait on Him for every aspect of my life. 

Right now? I have a friend with cancer. A friend who just had a back fusion. A friend who buried her Daddy and is now nursing her Mama with two broken hips. A dear friend whose husband had a massive heart attack and two months later her Mama has had a stroke. A family friend who recently lost her battle with cancer. A friend of my husbands whose wife has cancer. Another friend of my husbands who was struck by a vehicle while running. Another friend whose 21 year old daughters best friend died of cancer. 

Our nation is more divided than I can ever remember. Our service men and women are being gunned down on American soil. We have corrupt politicians. Kids killing kids. Spouses killing spouses. Americans turning on one another.

The world seems to have gone absolutely crazy. Nothing makes sense. And yet it all makes perfect sense to Him. I wonder if He looks at all the pain and sadness like I do? Does He wish that we better understood that He died for us? I wonder if he sheds a tear and whispers to himself "But I'm the Daddy"? 

He wants us to walk with Him.  He wants us to depend on Him. We are the apple of His eye. Patiently He is waiting for us to rely on Him and not our own understanding. He feels our hurts and He hears our prayers. And if we'll let Him he will wipe our tears. 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding"-Proverbs 3:5

Boldly Go

I've had insomnia for 6 days and it's really knocked me off kilter. The first night I thought it was the ice tea I drank  at 10 PM. Third night, and two Benadryl later, I laid awake until 4:53 AM. The fifth night I thought "Okay, maybe we need a new bed. And he probably needs a c-pap machine". The sixth night? I just gave into it. I got up and tackled the large pile of ironing I'd ignored for a week. And when I finished that? I read. 

I opened my bible to this scripture:

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. 

Each day has enough trouble of its own."-Matthew 6:34

Hmmm. Jesus schooled me again.

We have lots of big decisions about our future going on right now. Exciting and scary at the same time. My husband and I have been planning. Putting pen to paper. Making lists. Checks and balances. Pros and Cons. This decision negates our retirement. My husband looked at me this weekend and said simply "If God means it to be it will be". And he's absolutely right. Only guess what? That's not good enough.  I'm an admittedly impatient short little round middle aged woman. Gasp. #truth. When I get something on my mind? Katie bar the door.  I want it to have been done six months prior. On a silver platter. Served to me. Anyone?

God's timing is His timing. Not ours. Often when we pray we are asking for God's blessing on our time table.  If we don't get a word? Well, I personally, can recount situations where my spirit knew I needn't proceed. But I did anyway. Shocker, I was left with a mess. 

How many times do we face decisions, of any kind, by googling, asking friends on Facebook, making check lists or dialoguing and processing? Hello?! All. Of. The. Time.. 

I have a theory. God keeps us up at night or closes doors or changes our plans so that we will ask Him. Seek His counsel. After all, He does know every single hair on our head. He knows our past our present and our future. We fail to remember He's got us in the palm of His hand. Amen?

Then I started thinking. Scary I know.  If 35% of this country can't sleep and uses sleeping medicine? How many people are missing out on conversations God desperately wants to have with them? Think about that. The enemy will do anything to make us slaves to this world. Because if we are in love with this world we won't want to loosen our grip on it. If we don't loosen our grip on the things of our life then we can't open our arms to Jesus. Amen? 

So last night my husband and I did what we should have done from the get go. We held hands and prayed. We asked God to tune our ears to His voice. We prayed for open doors on His time. We threw in a prayer of patience for me  :-).  And, honestly, that's all any of us can do. 

Boldly go before the King of the world. Ask Him to show you,  guide you, direct you. Then we wait. Wait for open doors. Wait for the provision to move forward in decisions. Without His directive there are no blessings...just sleepless nights and our own indecisiveness.

"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you"~John 15:7

She Calls Her Nancy

As we pulled into the driveway from dinner her car was parked in its normal spot. You can't miss it. University sticker, sorority sticker, large dent from 3 years ago, and her Ducks Unlimited license plate. My youngest was home for the night. She calls her car "Nancy". As in Reagan. Yep, that's my red head. My heart was happy.

As my husband and I walked in the house we could hear her voice. I listened to her talking on her cellphone. Great detail about two of her twelve roommates that she supervises as the house manager. Discussing how to handle a relapse situation. My first thought was "who is this grown up girl meticulously articulating directions to whomever she was talking too?" My second thought was "She's really good at this!" My third thought was "Thank you, God, for growth. And mercy. And grace."

She was home for a dress fitting the following morning. While other girls are enjoying summer parties and luncheons? Our 19 year old girl is paying her own bills, working two jobs, attending AA meetings, and dealing with problems most of her college peers could not even begin to fathom. 

We listen to her tell us about what she deals with, as a manager, of recovering addicts. The attitudes, the frustration, the untruths. She paused and smiled. "I'm good at this because they do to me what I did to y'all. And it sucks because I really like them. I have to tell their parents, who are hysterically crying, that their kids screwed up again. This is hard. I don't like being lied too. I don't appreciate being taken for a fool. I so get y'all's feelings now". She continued "You know Mama what's sad? I'm actually jealous of them. They risked recovery. They got drunk. I can never do that again. I still want too. Even when I see these girls throwing second chances away. I still wish I could too. But I won't. I've worked too hard." Then she added "I also know I'd be homeless. I know you and Daddy would cut me loose." Big smile "You know, I'm not really suited for homelessness". Her humor is a blessing. She's still my heart beat.

As I laid in bed last night it dawned on me that God intends for us to be exactly where we are "for such a time as this". Every single season is for a lesson. He loves us as we love our kids. It is so hard, sometimes, not to give our girl the moon. To cave and say "Yes, you can go to that party. Yes, you can go back to school in August. Yes, I'll buy you new clothes". If it's this hard for us can you imagine how hard it is for the Lord? He wants us to get the hard lessons. If it was easy what reward would there be? 

Our daughters major is business. She is not emotional or verbal in the least. She, in the past, excelled at sarcasm as a way to deflect feelings. Yet we listened to her counsel two roommates she had just had to kick out for using. Her poise, her maturity, her compassion were mesmerizing. Quite frankly, amazing.

I've learned a lot about perseverance from my child. I've learned a lot about saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I've learned that as a parent where I lack God fulfills. I've learned that sometimes I've been a lousy parent but He forgives and heals despite my actions. I've learned that there is no greater love than His.

"Look! I make all things new"-Revelation 21:5

*published with permission

Connecting The Dots

Yesterday afternoon we attended a birthday party of a friend and neighbor. Had a wonderful time of fellowship, live music, barbecue, hayrides, and sweet tea. Loved seeing friends we haven't touched base with in awhile. Hugging the necks of those I treasure.

The Lord was so sweet to let me be privy to several conversations. Words  I needed to hear. The first bit of wisdom was from the guest of honor. He reminded all hundred or so of us that being a Christian means living outside of ourselves. It means stepping outside the box. It means, not just praying for the less fortunate, but actually serving those we wouldn't necessarily cross paths with on our daily walk. Yes, it's an age old golden nugget. But What a word! 

How often do we, as Americans, argue over where our tax dollars go? Who deserves help and who doesn't? How many times do we look at someone's clothing or car and secretly deem ourselves better than? How often do we, ourselves, judge someone's lifestyle and secretly think ourselves better than? How often do we, personally, think to ourselves that our grass is greener? Purer? More manicured? Come on! Can I get a witness?!

The second gem was from one of my favorite friends husband. I know. That was a mouthful. But eastern NC connecting the dots makes for a good story. They had heard a sermon on Sunday morning that truly resonated with me. To be a Christian you have to mingle with the world. Not be a part of it but make friends with it. If we stick with our same circle of friends, eh hmm me, you can't possibly expect the world to know (much less understand) the Gospel. 

Right now there is so much mud slinging and finger pointing in the world. Christians? Yep, we are guilty as charged. We are so busy arguing our position for righteousness that we forget our wrongness is where Jesus met us. Hello?Anyone? Why in the world do we expect someone who doesn't know Christ to meet Him if we portray Him as ready to cast the first stone? 

Let's be clear--we serve an awesome, all knowing and loving God. And, yes, He calls us to righteousness. He will judge our actions. And, yes, there are consequences for our disobedience. But if He is all knowing? Don't you think He knows the misgivings of those who are lost? Brilliant! Our job is to love. Bring them to a place where they see Him. Where, once saved, the Holy Spirit can convict their hearts. And, yes, if we see our brothers and sisters in Christ sinning we are called to correct. But our job as foot soldiers of the faith , in a fallen world, is to "let them know us by our love" (John 13:35).

I think back to my favorite second grade teacher. I was apparently a handful. Shocker. I loved her because she would never scold me in front of the class. She would always remove me from everyone. Stoop down to my eye level. She would praise me for all the positive things I did that day. She would then tell me what I needed to correct. Then she would hug me and say "Mrs. Delayo loves you! Let's get back to learning". 

I believe, because His word tells us so, that Jesus is coming back for His church. Sooner than later. It's time for me to stop pointing out who is doing what wrong in this country. It's time for me to bare witness to as many people as I can. 

My job? Your job? It's not pointing out what is wrong. It's pointing them to Who is right.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."-Romans 12:2

Never Satisfied

Correlating humans with reaching a state of satisfaction can sometimes be just plain humorous. Allow me to offer some examples of which I’m sure we can all relate. 

In the Winter season we long for Spring. In the Summer season we long for Fall. When it’s cloudy, we want the sun. When it’s dry we want some rain (not too much though). Any time it’s raining, we long for a dry sunshiny day. We long for the green grass of Spring, but don’t want to mow. 

We long to see our children born, but can’t wait for them to grow up. When they do (grow up) we wish they were little again. We like when they are in school, but wish they were home.

When children, we could not wait to grow up, but when we realize we’re “over-the-hill,” we long for the “good-ole-days.” We don’t like school, but when we get into the “real world” we wish we were back in school. 

We could say the same with the clothes we purchase, automobiles, houses, toys, tools, whatever you can think of. As a child plays with a toy for a short time and then goes to another one, adults aren’t any different. 

Unfortunately in adulthood the consequences are sometimes no longer humorous. If the dissatisfaction in our lives is in the wrong areas they could result in actions of promiscuity, divorces, and homes torn apart, and much more.

We all suffer from this malady to one degree or another. Some are consumed with it, while others more easily go with the flow of life. Those who are relatively satisfied are not consumed by their wants, but primarily concentrate on their needs. 

Why are we like this? Why can’t we be satisfied? Many of us are not even satisfied with ourselves, let alone all that is around us. We’re always reaching for that “something else” out there just beyond our grasp. “I need a facelift. I need a tummy tuck. I need a butt lift. I need a newer car, a bigger house, more money, the latest fashions. 

All these are wants. What we really need is what the Apostle Paul said, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

All this reminds me of the song, “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction.” Unlike the Apostle Paul, most of us “can’t get no satisfaction” out of life. Perhaps this is why the drug culture is getting worse and worse. Mankind is becoming more and more dissatisfied and reaching for something else, hoping they can find it in the illicit use of drugs. 

As long as we’re alive we humans will have our little idiosyncrasies with not being satisfied in some things in some areas of our lives. When it involves the weather, it’s a temporary adjustment. When it involves promiscuity (for example), it could be a life-long regret. When it involves a spiritual vacuum, there could be eternal consequences. 

True satisfaction can only be found in a solid relationship with Jesus Christ. The relationship cannot exist however until we put our faith in Him and are born again spiritually as a child of God. Then as a child grows physically, we grow spiritually in this relationship with God. Then one day we look back and realize that we aren’t as hard to please as we once were. We are much more satisfied in most areas of our life. 

That vacuum in our life, that hole in our heart, has been filling up with a different need, a need to know Jesus not only as our Savior, but also as the Lord of our life. Oh, we aren’t perfect by a long shot. Never will be in this earthly body, but our longings are changing, and for the better. We just yearn to know God. So what if it’s raining or the sun’s shining! It doesn’t matter. 

Doesn’t it all boil down to being happy? When the Apostle Paul spoke of being content in Philippians 4:11-13, I’m sure he was saying that he was happy with his life. It didn’t matter where he was or what was taking place, he was happy serving God. There was no happiness or contentment for Paul by being in the prison. The happiness or contentment came from sharing the prison cell with Jesus, serving his Lord. 

Our need is satisfied, and can only be satisfied, by the vacuum in our life being filled with the presence of God. One of my favorite verses has always been Matthew 5:6 which says, “Blessed are they who do hunger and thirst after righteousness; for they shall be filled.” The word “blessed” means “happy.” We are our happiest and most satisfied when we hunger and thirst after righteousness. Why? Because finally, we “shall be filled.” The vacuum is filled. 

All along, the vacuum in our life has been there for a reason. God has placed a vacuum in each of our lives to be filled with His presence. We keep trying to fill it with all the wrong things, and it is never full. All the false needs just leak out, but when we fill it with a “hunger and thirst after righteousness,” God fills it up and it doesn’t leak out. We are finally satisfied.

Perfectly penned by Grant Phillips

"This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it"-Psalm 118:24