Amazingly It Was Easy

My whole life I've  thought funerals were tragic. Sad. Depressing. In fact, during my mother's funeral I was so wrecked with grief I don't remember half of it.

New Years day we packed up and traveled to Virginia to bury my father. As I sat in the church that my brother and I were raised, married in, my nephew baptized, my mother buried, and now my father I felt completely at peace.

My brother and I had a lot to work through. A childhood that was often filled with confusion. Gods timing was, as always, perfect. 

The last weeks we had with our Dad were precious. Resolution. Much love. And much sadness too. But it was perfectly orchestrated by God. The joy was recognizing I didn't have to do anything. I didn't have to mend fences or mince words. I was just still. I obeyed the Lord. I loved my dad unconditionally without reserve. Amazingly it was easy.

My dad had picked out the scriptures and music for his service. He had also given us strict instructions on where he wanted us to spend the day before the funeral. And where he wanted us to eat dinner. He wanted us to gather our spouses, children, and in laws to celebrate. Drink a martini in his honor. Enjoy being together. And so we did. And he would have loved it.

After the service my brother's lovely mother in law had us all for brunch. I glanced over at my brother. Sitting by himself in the corner of the dining room. He was so solemn. So sad. He shared with me that, due to our 7 years difference in age, I had left. Gone to college. Never came back. He had a relationship with our father. One that I would never understand. He was grieving.

Funerals are a funny thing. They bring forth so many emotions. Sadness. Regret. Grief. Closure. But shouldn't they bring joy? Joy that God gave you that person for that chapter in your story. Joy knowing that good or bad God chose that person to teach you, touch you, write your life.  Joy knowing that person was appointed by God himself to help you become who you are. And, hopefully, joy knowing the deceased is in heaven.

My dads funeral weekend brought me great joy. Cousins laughing. In laws toasting. Bread broken. Spouses laughing. Siblings sharing a chapter that has finally been written. God showing us what He looks like when we forgive. When we love despite it all. 

God speed dad. I hope we made you proud. I look forward to the day I see you again. Please give mom my love.

"Because Your loving kindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You"-Psalm 63:3

Everything New

Seasons

There's just something about a Southern beach in the winter. The stillness. Only the sound of seagulls overhead. The lull of the crashing waves. Artists have painted it. Photographers have captured  it. Authors  have penned it. Song writers have written it. Beach walkers have experienced it. God created it.

We went to the beach this past weekend. Cleared our heads. Calmed our souls after the hustle and bustle of Christmas. We left our decorations up. Closed the door and took off for the weekend. Our college aged daughters, still home for break, were with us. We had good food, good drinks, and great conversation. We visited with summer friends, shopped, walked, and recharged.

My husband and I discussed our calendar's for the new year. It's funny, I always feel like after Christmas is over it should be spring. Almost like Christmas is the caveat we aspire too. Once we've conquered it the season is over. We look forward to the next season. Maybe it's a regional feeling due to our milder weather.

God has a reason for every season. And each season He calls us to Him. His timing is always perfect. Even when our internal calendar doesn't align with His. We plan. We schedule trips to warmer destinations. To escape the monotony of winter. We want sunshine and excitement. We want to skip the cold. The closed in feeling of winter.

It's important to remember that we must walk thru it to reach Him. God knew life is a journey. If we over schedule with busyness during the journey how will we ever appreciate the destination? Anticipate Him? When we reach the destination we are already planning the next seasons excitement. Sure we have trips to reminisce about. But were we ever still enough to hear Him. What He's trying to whisper to us in the quiet? In the stillness. On an empty beach. 

Maybe that's what winter is. God's gift of quiet. A time for reflection. To grasp the magnificence of the Christ child who was just born. For us. A time to commune with our Savior. To introduce ourselves to Him. To have Him mold us in the quiet. To get us ready for new growth. The resurrection of spring.

"Seek the LORD while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near."-Isaiah 55:6

Just Say Yes

In the hustle and bustle of this Christmas Eve I'd like you to think about something. If an angel appeared to you would you listen? Would you be obedient? Would you literally stop what you were doing and actually do what God asked of you?

How many times have you (like me) heard that whisper in your soul? The voice that differentiates right from wrong. Have you heard it? Have you heard the Holy Spirit calling you to do something and yet you refused? You ignored the call because you simply didn't want to give up whatever you were doing in that moment. It was embarrassing or inconvenient. Your plans were of more importance than God. 

What if, like Mary, you obeyed? What if God was calling you to change the course of history? What if He picked you! Would you fall on your knees? Would you leave all of your treasures behind for the chance to worship Him? Obey Him? Think about that for a moment. The Lord chooses you. Puts you in a politically incorrect situation which will cause your family embarrassment. Would you, without question or hesitation, obey Him? 

Mary's faith changed the course of history. Her obedience saved the world. One woman. No, one teenager, agreed without doubt to birth the King of all Kings. The baby in the straw. The One who came to save you and me.

This Holy Christmas Eve we wait expectantly for the birth of the new born King. Our Savior. This Christmas I challenge you to expectantly wait for the unexpected. Say "yes" when you really want to say "no". Trust that when God calls you to be obedient  to Him your life will change forever. That change will forever change you.  But it could also change the world. Just say yes.

"And Mary said, 'Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.' And the angel departed from her."- Luke 1:38

Down In The Muck

I love Christmas . Always have. I guess I've always been different. I never understood, even as a kid, the frantic rushing around. I just loved ,even as an overly active child, being still in front of the glow of the Christmas tree. 

My husband loves Christmas too. So much so that he roams the neighborhood Christmas Eve. He volunteers to help the young Dads put trampolines and basketball goals together.

As we've matured in our marriage, and our walk with God, we both see Jesus more clearly. The hoop la of drunken Christmas parties are no longer enticing. We have come to love small groups of friends, an excellent meal, good wine, and fellowship. 

But what do you do when you don't feel jolly? When Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas? Maybe you're going through a divorce. An illness. The loss of a parent. A child who is struggling with addiction. The loss of a job. Financial pressures. Depression. The elderly couple who is alone for Christmas. Then what?

The world has tried to sell us the winter wonderland Santa Claus Christmas fairytale. Heck, I want the winter wonderland! The sleigh bells ringing. Santa flying high above on a moonlit Christmas Eve. The warm and fuzzy Norman Rockwell painting feeling. 

The reality is that Christmas is not a happy time for many people ..gasp! Most people experience, at some point in their lives, sadness or disappointment during Christmas. Particularly if their joy is based on the idea of the Hollywood Christmas. The hope that "things" will bring us happiness based on how we've behaved all year. 

I'm so guilty of this. When our girls were little we only gave three gifts. One for each gift the wise-man brought Jesus. But as the girls got older, and the pressures of having the best became greater,  the three gifts morphed into three themes. Like most parents I wanted Christmas to be a "magical" wonderful time of the year filled with countless gifts of joy.

It wasn't until the past several years that I realized just how misleading Santa Christmases are. The most wonderful time of the year has become the most stressful time of the year. And guess what? We've all bought into the stress! We (me) try to recreate the perfect family photo, perfectly decorated home, perfectly busy "holiday" celebrations filling up our calendars. The pressure to get it perfect has surpassed getting "it" aka Jesus.

Jesus's birth represents peace. The fulfillment of new life.  A King who is the ultimate gift. The One who came so that we may have  life. We don't have to do anything. We don't have to be good. In fact, most of us were pretty bad by the time we said we believed. There's no pressure. No fancy flashy wrapping. 

The greatest gift we can give others for Christmas? It is not expensive presents. The greatest gift, as followers of Christ, that we can give is love. Reaching out to the neighbor we seldom see. Lovingly preparing a meal for a widower.  Remembering those who help us throughout the year: the postman, nurses, dry cleaners, the pharmacist, the UPS guy. A simple card of appreciation to a friend going through a difficult time. This is celebrating Jesus! 

If you are feeling sad this week. Or stressed. Or lonely remember that you are going to get the most magnificent gift in just a few days. He will meet you right where you are. Jesus was born in a manger. God knew exactly where we needed to meet Jesus. Down in the muck right there with us. A gift of hope. Of promise. A gift of perfect love.

"For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace"-Romans 8:6

Settling The Estate

My husband and I are traveling over 300 miles today to meet my brother at the courthouse in Virginia. There's a lot involved in settling an estate. A lot of impersonal legalities. In some ways it seems so cold. No, so final. Cutting  checks, dividing funds, cashing in stocks. The formality of it. Like he never existed. 

Our Dad has been gone now for 12 days. Marc texted me yesterday "Just realized Dad died the same day Pearl Harbor was attacked. Kinda seems profoundly appropriate considering we watched WWII films my entire childhood. LOL. Love you -Marc". It's amazing the revelations you have when loved ones are gone.

This Christmas is an emotionally complicated one. It's the first time in 25 years of marriage that my husband and I aren't dividing time between two families. Two states. It's the first time in years we aren't worrying about my elderly parents being alone on Christmas morning. 

So much sadness. Yet there's joy too. Our oldest daughter just completed her academic requirements for college graduation. She begins her semester long, 5 days a week, teaching internship in January. In May she will be graduating magna cum laude with a degree in elementary education. My parents, the academics, would find sheer joy in her accomplishment. Particularly my mother who was a teacher for 30 years. It certainly would have been a highlight of their Christmas.

My mind just continues to think about the disciples after the crucifixion. Did they have days where exciting things happened and they longed to tell Jesus? Like my brother did they recall certain dates that provoked fond memories? Did they struggle believing He was really gone? 

The greatest gift God gave mankind was the birth of Jesus Christ. Because of that baby, born in a manger, we have the opportunity to do life differently. Jesus was born to die for our sins. We celebrate Christmas because of His fulfillment of a new life for us. 

I will never know for certain. I think-no, I pray- my Dad had new life in Christ. In his last hours we asked him if he understood that Jesus was his Lord and Savior. Eyes closed and practically incoherent he squeezed my hand. 

This Christmas give thanks. Not for the presents and the food. They are merely the ornaments on the tree. But give thanks  for that baby boy. The man named Jesus. The one who hung on that tree for you and me.

"For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace"-Romans 8:6

Forgiveness Trumps Anger Every Time

As parents we try to teach our kids the golden rule. "Do to others as you would have them do to you" (Luke 6:31). Sometimes life happens. Feelings get hurt. Egos get bruised. In that moment our kids look at us like we are crazy. "You don't understand!" We usually reply "No, I don't understand what you are going through. I know you are upset. Do the right thing anyway".

Over six years ago I watched one of my kids life change forever. Someone she loved. Someone she trusted hurt her deeply. Hurt me deeply. This person was a person in authority and she  had gotten it wrong. It would have been so easy to drag this person under the bus. After all she had hurt my kid! Unfortunately, and I admit it, if you go after someone in my family my Mama Bear claws come flying.

In this instance I just knew the Lord had called me to be still. For once in my life I actually was. And it was hard. Every time my daughter started to bad mouth the individual(s) who had wronged her I stopped her. I just kept repeating Luke 6:31. My child literally shut down.  There was a change in her entire spirit. In her nature. She felt I had betrayed her as well. She felt  as though I was not standing up for her. For whatever reason I had a peace in my soul. Even amidst the heartbreak of a broken relationship I knew in my inner most being to "be still and know I am God".

The years went by and I never ran into this individual. Ever. Which is strange because our rural town has about 21,000 people including the county. Other parents had contacted me through the years when, they too, had some heartbreak with this person we all adored. I just had this peace. I tried to listen and to comfort but I just knew I needed to be quiet. This is highly unusual for me! Yep, if you know me you are going "Lord, yes".

One evening years later my child, now a teenager off at school, sent me a text about another run in with this person. She immediately texted "karma". I texted back "I don't believe in Karma and you are to continue to treat others as you wish to be treated". "Yes, ma'am". I believe that was the last we spoke of it for at least a year or two.

I was lying on my sofa recovering from a flu like virus late yesterday afternoon. There's a knock at my door. My kids are home from college on Christmas break. My oldest daughter answers the door. The person who hurt my child and my family over half a decade ago was at my front door.  She had come to apologize. I let her talk and talk. She just kept saying she had been wrong. I told her I had forgiven her years ago which I had. She just looked at me and said "How can you forgive me? I can't ever do anything to earn your forgiveness". And like butter it rolled off my tongue "because He forgave me I forgave you". I actually shocked myself. That was all God. Not this Mama Bear.

My child had not seen this person in over 6 years. My daughter came in the back door to see this woman, whom she had loved deeply,  sitting in our den. They both hugged for a good 10 minutes. The tears flowed freely. In that moment I witnessed a miracle. My child forgave this adult who had wounded her so deeply. She forgave freely. Willingly. Without condition. Without question. All those years of repeating Luke 6:31? They had stuck!

This world tells us to look out for number one. To get even. To get revenge. Heck, we even have television shows encouraging revenge. Teaching revenge. But our Savior taught forgiveness. Quite honestly, forgiveness is the high road. The hard road. The painful road. But it is the right road.

This child of mine, this now beautiful young adult, has tried every fiber in my body. Quite honestly at times I've felt like giving up. Too tired to fight her free spirit. Exhausted at arguing with her strong will. There have been times when I have cried out to God "Lord, what do I do with her? Has she not learned anything that we've tried to instill in her?" Many nights there has been silence. But most nights I've heard "I've got her".

Yesterday  I watched the Lord show me why He came. Why we are celebrating His birth. He came to save us from ourselves, yes. But He also came to teach us forgiveness. To love without condition. Even when we are chastised by the world. "Nice guys finish last". Actually, no. No they don't. They finish first in the eyes of The Lord. I watched God's grace flow freely today. And it was beautiful.

"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it."-Proverbs 22:6