Getting Old Sucks

There is one word that I really detest. Okay, there are many.  This one makes me cringe: "sucks". Yet it seems appropriate in this context.  Getting old sucks. There I said it. I don't feel particularly old in spirit. Why is it that I look old? Why do I dread looking at the never ending lines around my mouth? The crinkles around my eyes? The random wiry gray hairs that are popping up? The new freckles, age spots, and veins randomly appearing all over my body on any given day. And as long as I'm complaining? Why the heck is  my husband getting better looking with age? How is that possibly even fair?!

You best believe I've fought this expensive battle every step of the way. I've lasered. I've botoxed. I've plumped it. I've filled it. I've colored it. I haven't lifted it yet ....but I would if I could. Amen?! Nature is waging  war with me. But it gets worse! I am now allergic to novacaine or any caine for that matter. Dreams shattered. No more fillers and plumps. Lifting is now a distant dream.

Why is it that when I looked really good I didn't think I did? Anyone? Why didn't I enjoy my wrinkle free skin, tight abs and firm buttocks? Why the heck did I think I was average? Dear Lord, back in the day,  I was smoking hot! Okay, I've never been smoking hot. But I was pretty okay. I could hold my own in a room full of attractive women. In a preppy sort of way.

I have a theory. Just roll your eyes and hear me out. When we are young, beautiful, and youthful we are all about ourselves. Not everyone but many. We are about our homes, our marriages, our careers, our kids. We have an awesome God who is a gentleman. I think He is so gracious to sit back and let us do our thing. If I had to guess He chuckles quite a bit. Once we've accompolished the majority of check lists in our lives? We begin to have a deep longing for something more. For some of us we listen to the Holy Spirit. For others of us we ignore the burn. We just keep trying to find ways to fill the hole. More clothes, more vacations, bigger homes in better neighborhoods, fancy cars, better schools, more exercising, better bodies, more girls weekends. If that doesn't do the trick? We keep going. For many of us it takes an illness, financial setback, natural disaster, or the loss of a loved one to turn us back to Christ.

God wants all of us. Not a piece one morning a week at bible study. Not a smidgeon on Sunday morning. Nope. He adores us. He wants us to get it. To get Him? Our entire lives must be purposed towards giving Him the glory for all that we have and do. Our society already tells us everything we are not. And in some aspects society is correct because we are nothing....without Him.  Society has us chasing something we can never obtain. Or if we do we are still left empty. Lord knows, this girl has tried.

Let's look at who God says we are. We know that He loves us. But what does Jesus say about our value? Our worth? God calls us to be overcomers. He wants us to know who we are in Him.  God "has given us everything we need for life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3).

We can do all things through Christ Jesus~Philippians 4:13
We have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding~Philippians 4:7
We are joint-heirs with Christ~Romans 8:17
We are over-comers by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony~Revelation 12:11
We are part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people~1 Peter 2:9
We are called by God to be the voice of His praise~Psalm 66:8
God hasn't given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love, and a sound mind~ 2 Timothy 1:7
We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works~Ephesians 2:10

Yada yada, Elizabeth, yeah I get it. But I'm still not as attractive as my best friend, my husbands associate, my kids coach. I think it's perspective. Have you ever known someone who is overweight and everyone loves them. They are invited to every social event. They don't meet a stranger. People adore them. We all know someone like that. Likewise did you ever have a friend in school or college who really wasn't a beauty queen? For some reason she had a date to every event. People loved her. Probably these two people knew their worth. Their beauty wasn't physical it was spiritual.

Here's what God says about our beauty:

"Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."~ 1 Samuel 16:7

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."-Prov 31:30

"Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important, for it promises a reward in both this life and the next."-1 Tim 4:8

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."-1 Peter 3:3-4

Isn't that exciting?! Doesn't that give you encouragement? God knew  we would be bewildered by the aging process. But actually getting older should mean getting wiser. Those wrinkles and lumps may show that we are "fading" on the outside. But on the inside? We should be radiant in the knowledge that we are perfectly accepted. Perfectly loved. Perfectly righteous. Perfectly full of worth. We are worthy in the eyes of the One true beholder. Jesus Christ himself. Our bridegroom. I find it incredibly wonderful that He thinks of exactly the right things to say at the right moment!

The fact remains that no amount of money or exercise can keep our youthful looks. Sigh. Less of us and more of Him. Our bridegroom wants all of us. We are perfect in His sight.

“But at midnight there was a shout, ‘Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’"-Matthew 25:6

Visions Of Who We Will Be

Last week my kids were in and out during Spring Break week. I decided, I too, would take a Spring Break. I didn't cook. I didn't clean. I didn't shop. I didn't go to the dry cleaners. I cancelled all obligations. I just enjoyed the free time my daughters afforded me. We ate, visited with friends, and just enjoyed the time. It was spectacular!

I love having children who are young adults. It's truly a pleasure to be in their company. I knew they were great kids. This past week I realized they are phenomenal young women. Not because of their Daddy and Mama. Yes, we laid a foundation..or at least tried too. But they are both who they are because of God's grace. Because they have decided to believe who God says they are. Not who the world, their generation, society says they are.

I wish I could share their testimonies with you. Maybe one day I will be able to talk them into contributing a blurb. They truly are extraordinary women. Not because they are my kids.  They each have faced more challenges in their two short decades than most people face in a lifetime. And, honestly, that's putting it mildly. I have loved watching how God has guided both of them, is guiding them, through various stages of their lives.

Our oldest daughter was a successful high school athlete. She was committed to play collegiately. A goal she spent ten years preparing for. Her senior year of high school she blew her knees.  Both of them. Three knee surgeries. The university would  allow her to red shirt--take a year off. Her Dad and I asked her a few questions. "What can you do with field hockey after college?" "Is it worth risking your health? Possibly permanently damaging your legs?" A dream, she thought, was shattered. She applied to an in-state university and walked away from her first love. As soon as she set foot on that campus? She walked away from the faith and into the world like most college kids do.

This past week I was reminded of several things. First, never ever stop praying for your kids. God hears us! We may not hear Him at first. Rest assured He is interceding on our behalf. He knows how, when, and where to answer those prayers. In His perfect timing not ours.

Secondly, God Is  faithful. When the Lord tells us in 1 Corinthians 1:9 "God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says"? Well, He means it! It may not be in our time frame. It may not happen the way we would like it too. He says He has "invited us into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord". He has.  By faith we must trust Him.

Lastly, drop all expectations. Yep, you heard me correctly. We all think our kid is the smartest, brightest, best looking, most talented thing since sliced bread. We may never admit it but we have dreams for our kids. Expectations. Visions of who they will become. Visions of who we will be in regards to their accomplishments. We can encourage, direct, delegate, guide, and orchestrate their future. The reality? Their story has already been written by the Lord. Our job is to help them hear Him. One of my favorite verses in the bible is "We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps"-Proverbs 16:9.  Ain't that truth?!

Our oldest beautiful blonde is in her last weeks of her teaching internship. She is preparing to graduate from college cum laude in less than a month. She will be coaching field hockey at her high school alma mater in the Fall.  He saw the bigger picture. He knew that this beautiful young woman will make a difference in the lives of other young girls. He has given her the perfect platform, His platform, to be a blessing to those around her. All of her training and all of her preparation is being used to glorify Him. He had a plan all along. He was faithful.

With all the bad that goes on in the world there is still so much good. There is a great and mighty God behind the scenes. He knew every single hair on our head before we were born (Mathew 10:30).  He is in control even when we think there is no hope. He's got us. Despite our mistakes as parents. Despite our mistakes as human beings. He has us in the palm of his hand. Nothing absolutely nothing is out of His control. Our job? To let go of the control we so desperately try to cling too. Trust Him to complete His good work in us for His glory.

"But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness."-Psalm 86:15

Chocolate Peanut Butter Easter Eggs

The Bradford pear trees are in full bloom. The azaleas in our backyard are starting to bud. Our knockout roses are waking up. The temperatures are finally warm. The green eyed monster (pollen) is covering our vehicles. Spring is here. New birth just in time for Christ's resurrection.

I went to Walgreen's today to purchase items for my youngest daughters Easter basket. I was trying to get it in the mail so that she would have it by Saturday. This will be the first time in 19 years she won't be home for Easter. This will be the first year my Dad will not celebrate an earthly Easter.

My childhood home was lined with HUGE azaleas. They adorned either side of the steep driveway. My parents loved them. My brother and I hated them as kids. They were out of control supernatural large. Occasionally, as teenagers, when we would get out of our cars there would be a snake staring at us from the branches of those dogwood sized azaleas. I can hear my Dad laughing just like it was 1982. "Lillibet, you are in their territory they are not in yours". Hate snakes. Not wild about azaleas to this very day.

Every Easter that I lived under my parents roof my Dad had flowers for us. Thoughtfully placed next to my Easter basket on Easter morning. A corsage ( remember those?) of yellow roses and white babies breath for me.  An Easter Lilly, Irises, and Roses in a vase for my Mother. My Dad continued the tradition for Mother until her death.

I'm not sure why Mama loved Easter the way she did. Probably because she grew up in a sleepy Southern town where the Baptist Church was the center of all things spiritual and social. At any rate, Easter was Jane's thing.

As a little girl Mama and I would go to my grandmothers house outside of Rocky Mount, NC. We would take the train to Richmond. We would buy our Easter dresses at  Miller & Rhoads. Afterwords we would eat lunch in the tea room. My Nana would usually buy me something out of the Easter bookstore. Then we would head back to North Carolina. It is one of my favorite childhood memories. Probably why Easter is my favorite season too.

I love the resurrection story. I love the way our Southern town comes alive with color just before Jesus leaves that dark tomb. I love the traditions of Easter egg hunts, mens seersucker suits, and little girls smocked Easter dresses. I love that we take the time, the effort,  to go all out to  celebrate Jesus.

My mother made these incredible chocolate & peanut butter Easter eggs. Every year she would mail one to my girls. Each girl received an egg with a flower on top and their names beautifully scripted in pastel icing. The last year she was alive she was so sick. She managed to plan ahead somewhat. She made six  chocolate peanut butter eggs and froze them. She left my Dad in charge of mailing those  frozen peanut butter eggs to her three grandchildren. For two Easter seasons, after her passing, our daughters and my nephew enjoyed the gift of Mimis chocolate covered peanut butter Easter eggs.

After I mailed our daughter her basket I drove home. As I pulled in the driveway a single yellow butterfly was circling my vehicle. It was the first butterfly that I've seen this Spring. I just sat there, in my driveway, and cried. Not a big melt down at all. Just a sadness and happiness cry all at the same time. I texted my brother. He immediately texted back. He  expressed that he, too,  had been overcome with the same feelings. Our parents are at peace. They are in heaven. Out of their sickly earthly bodies. Where they've always wanted to be. They are in the presence of our Savior. It still aches, though, for their children and grandchildren down here on earth.

I know Mary must have felt the same. She watched the pain and the suffering. She longed for the pain to stop. She must have prayed that  God would end it. That He would relieve her son from the suffering. She knew her Son, our Son, was seated on the right hand of His father. This was where He wanted to be all along. I feel certain  that made her smile. But I bet every Resurrection season she was filled with a fleshly sadness too.

Our family continues on the Easter traditions. We pack up and head down to the beach with my husbands parents. Our girls childhood was spent running, Easter morning,  into the den at the beach. Anxiously tearing into their Easter baskets. God's glorious sea and Carolina blue sky as the backdrop. Trying to dress them in their matching Easter dresses before church. Granny unsuccessfully trying to keep each beautiful outfit chocolate free. Granddaddy sipping his coffee and laughing. Sigh. They are both grown now.

Life does go on. Everything we experience is for just a time as this. To prepare us. To teach us. To help us become the teachers. The good news? Jesus Christ did rise from the dead! Hallelujah! He rose so that we may have new life in Him. So that we are guaranteed a generational bloodline. A place in Heaven for all eternity with the King of Kings. The Lord of Lords. That, my friends, is better than one of Mimi's Chocolate Peanut Butter Easter Eggs.

"The old has passed away; behold, the new has come"-2 Corinthians 5:17

Here's The Thing

There has been a lot of hype and buzz on the morning television talk-shows about the Roma Downey movie "A.D. The Bible Continues". The movie is set to air on CBS  Easter Sunday evening. The theme song  for the movie is  Sam Smith's Grammy winning song "Stay With Me". There is no doubt that the pop stars love ballad will capture many a young movie goer Sunday night.

Kay Arthur and David Jeremiah, two of the most biblically renowned bible teachers in this country, are also encouraging people to watch the movie. Tonight on social media Kay Arthur posted a trailer of the movie asking her followers "do you believe?" I made a comment to her question. To my absolute shock she replied an hour later.

Roma Downey, the Emmy award winning actress from Northern Ireland, is best known for her television series "Touched by an angel". More recently Downey gained notoriety for her mini-series "The Bible" whereby she played Mary. She was also executive producer of the mini-series. "The Bible" was viewed by more than 100 million people world wide. It was beautifully done. Wonderful acting. But it was also riddled with false truths and inconsistencies. The movie was a false biblical narrative albeit a wonderful production.

I replied to Kay Arthur's comment because,quite frankly, I was shocked and disappointed that this doctrinally sound teacher would encourage people to watch something not based exclusively on God's word. After all, Kay's Precept Ministries is a biblically based study. I have studied under her teachings for almost 2 decades. Furthermore, the song "Stay With Me" was written by Smith after a bad homosexual breakup. I have this song downloaded into my iPod. It's beautiful. Is it biblically relevant to scripture? Based on Kay's own teachings that answer would be unequivocally  "no".

"So what Elizabeth?! At least people will be hearing about Jesus on Easter Sunday!" Well, I guess that's true. What kind of damage will we be doing though? No, really? Releasing a movie claiming to be God's word when in reality it's not all complete truth?

I am allergic to shellfish. I have a dear friend whose son is allergic to peanut butter. We all carry Epi-pens. I have one in my purse, one in my kitchen, one in my car, and one in my husbands vehicle. I risk dying without the Epi-pen should I inadvertently eat something that has a spec of seafood on it. Or if I ingest anything with the medicine containing "canes" (I'm a dentists nightmare). My friend's son is in the same predicament. She goes no where, nor does her son, without an Epi-pen.  The Epi-pen is our life line.

When I was first written the prescription for the Epi-pen the doctor explained that the box would come with a "practice" cartridge. I could practice sticking myself in the thigh. Honestly, I just put the practice Epi-pen the kitchen drawer and never gave it another thought. My friend explained to me the vital importance of making sure I knew how to use the Epi-pen. She explained where in my thigh I needed to be stuck. She explained that I could not use it through my jeans it had to go into bare skin. She also was very helpful in explaining the chemistry behind it. The fact that I have to go to the ER immediately after injecting myself. The doctor has to hook me up to a heart monitor while the adrenaline works out of my system. So, the directions and practicing were actually the foundation.  Well,  I had skipped them. It was a lot of detail that I thought I didn't need.  And I could have killed myself, had I tried to use the Epi-pen, because I was unfamiliar with how and where to use it.

Kay Arthur's response to my comment on Facebook was this (very condensed version) " 'The Bible' {mini series} has received more than 100 million cumulative reviews. That is over 100 million opportunities for someone to hear the name JESUS. It may very well be the only time someone will hear the GOSPEL".  That sounds great right?  Not really. What if they are hearing a false Gospel? If we believe the Bible to be God's literal word? Anything that is added to or deleted, by Hollywood, is  not only a lie but it is dangerous. As Christians the Bible is our directive for life. It is our bloodline. It our love letter from Christ. It is our salvation. It is our history lesson. It is our current events. It is everything. And all of it is a lie if it is cherry picked to tickle people's ears. We have to have God's word in our core. We have to know scripture. We have to be able to discern life. We must know God's word to live life as Jesus would have us. Period. Sure, we can sit under teachings or watch videos. But in order for us to be able to communicate with the Holy Spirit? Hear from God through His scriptures? Bear fruit in our lives? We must know God's word.

Here's the thing: the details are important. Just like my Epi-pen. I needed to read the directions. If I hadn't read the directions? Applied those directions to my life? When I needed the Epi-pen in an emergency I would have no idea how to use it! I would be putting my life in the hands of whomever was with me. Placing  my life, in order to get to the ER, in the hands of someone else. And I might not make it there in time. My throat just might actually close. I just may die.

A non-believer watches this movie, with it's Hollywood aka-lades, and they decide they want to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. They spend their lives believing that they are saved. They attend church regularly, listen to praise and worship music, serve in the community. But the seed, the fruit, has not been planted. Because they don't know God's word or study it? They have no idea that they may not have even accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Their eternal salvation literally is at stake. They have been deceived.

I've been all over the map as far as my literal belief in the bible. I've studied under Beth Moore, Joseph Prince, David Jeremiah, and Kay Arthur. I've been a non-Rapture Believer, a Post Tribulation Believer, a Mid Tribulation Believer, and am currently a Pre-Tribulation Believer. In 1995, when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I would have told you that  this movie hype was ridiculous. Not anymore.  Turn on the television for 5 minutes. That's it. You will witness chaos, immorality, deceit, and world wide unrest. It still shocks me. Yet I know it is all part of God's plan for us. Why? Because I read it in the bible which I believe to be the literal word of God. There will come a day when, as Christians, we may not have the religious freedom that we do now. We won't be able to rely on Facebook and YouTube to watch Christian speakers, etc.. We will be unable to read Christian blogs as our daily devotionals. We may not even be able to outwardly communicate with one another in regards to our faith. What then? If you do not have the Word of God running through your veins you will be lost. It is His love letter to us! We should be sprinting to it every single day. Complete anticipation about what new gems He will share with us.

The church today, collectively, wants us to believe that peace, tons of love, good works globally and locally, happiness, and grace are all we need. Treat our neighbors kindly, throw some block parties for the "un-churched", extend love i.e. "pay it forward" to every person on earth, serve some meals, and boom our salvation is secured. We are absolutely called to globally preach the gospel. We need to be showing the love of Christ in our cities and communities. Serving the homeless and less fortunate. But this out reach does not take the place of our salvation! These things are in addition too. Most importantly, we've forgotten to teach the bible. By doing so we are eliminating the uncomfortable stuff. Love comes with forgiveness. Forgiveness comes from Repentance. Repentance comes from the insatiable need to do what is right by God. It comes from a fear and reverence for the Lord. Our God loves  us-- that is a given. Our God is also a God who will, ultimately, hold us accountable for our sins. He will punish the wicked one day. If you believe the bible to be true then you can not leave that fact out.

If you believe in God but believe the bible to be a wonderful teaching tool for our lives ? Filled with spectacular parables to help make us better people by following Jesus example? You will eventually loose interest. It will be too difficult to try and work your way into a "good person". Been there done that. This is why so many of Americas churches are dead. The ministers do not believe the bible to be the true spoken word of Christ. You can not maintain the momentum: excitement, love, and grace needed to change the world without being filled with the Holy Spirit.It is impossible on our own accord. You eventually will burn out. LET ME SAY THIS there is always a Remanent in parishes. Be that person! Let your walk with Christ bring others into the fulfillment of true saving grace.

Now that I've written this long tirade I will be fair. I will watch the movie. But I will watch the movie with my bible in hand to check and verify. And if I'm wrong? I promise I will be the first to say so! I do agree that this movie is a great conversation starter. It's a wonderful way to say to a friend "let me give you the one true gospel". Just as my friend pointed out the significance of the practice Epi-pen? You, too,  may get the privilege of laying the foundation that saves a life.

"The one who associates with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers
harm."-Proverbs 13:20

Can You Even Imagine The Agony?

Think about the one person in this world who you really just can't stand. They get under your skin. Simply bug you. Now think about the one group of people who drive you absolutely crazy. Think about that one click or group of people who always make you feel uncomfortable. "They are so pious". It could be a group of women in bunco. It could be a bible study group. It could be a tennis league. It could be a group of clicky teachers in a teachers lounge. A group at work who leaves you out of after hours engagements. Neighbors who don't include you in parties.

Do you remember all of the mild stones with your first born? The first smile. The first time they rolled over. The first time they crawled. The first tooth. The first "mama" or "dadda".  Catching them after their first steps. The pudgy fingers that would wrap around your neck. The wet, drooling kisses on your cheek. The smell of their scalp after a bath. Watching their lips suckle involuntarily as they slept soundly in their crib.

Now imagine sending that precious baby, now a grown man, to be murdered this coming Friday. Murdered by all of the people you aren't too crazy about. Murdered for  the people  you do not like. Knowing that you will watch your child die a bloody, horrific, agonizing, excruciating, unimaginable death. To die for a group of people who are not worthy to die for.

What drives people to hate? Hate that causes people to want to kill others? There are many reasons. Fear. Pride. Ignorance. Insecurity. People often hate those that make them feel uncomfortable or not good enough. Not included. People often hate those who speak the truth. They don't want to hear the truth because it shed's light on their dark lives. But I think it's deeper. Every single human being on this planet has something inside of them that wants to be loved. When it can't be filled? We turn to every form of idolatry that there is: love, wealth, popularity, perfection. We can't purchase it, rent it, grow it, create it, imagine it, design it. We can try to fill it with things. With worldly pleasures, treasures, trips, purchases, education, social accolades. But the fact remains that void can only be filled by Jesus Christ Himself.

These men wounded, maimed, and butchered Jesus. Ironically, Jesus was called by God the Father to die to do what?  To save them from their earthly pain. To save all of us from our sins. So there He was. The Son of God. Sent to save these men from themselves and they were killing Him. Insanity really. When I think back to the crucifixion story and the events that led up to it? I think it's not so different than what we are witnessing today. We have precious missionaries in the middle east trying to send forth the gospel. The message of hope in a Savior. Trying to turn people away from their sin. To give them everlasting life. Yet we have militant groups beheading them in the name of their god.

I think of the precious mother's who have to endure seeing the news footage of those be-headings over and over again. Their beautiful baby boys, now grown men, testifying in the name of Jesus Christ. These men murdered in front of the whole world. Can you even imagine the agony? I can't fathom it. These mother's knew that their sons were trying to make the world a better place. That their sons were trying to bring people into peace, freedom, ever lasting hope in Jesus thru salvation. They knew that the work was ordained. That their boys were called to go forth and testify. They knew the work was righteous. And, yet, their babies were murdered! The boys they had rocked, nursed, cuddled, cooed, and sang too. Surely, for just one second, they had to ask "Why, my boy, Lord? Why?"

As Mary followed the procession to watch her son be nailed on the cross what must she have been thinking? "Why, my boy, Lord?" Surely her head knew that her son was the King of Kings. The Lord of Lords. The most hated and beloved man in all of human history. But her heart? Her heart, as a mother, had to have been breaking. This was her baby. How did she show grace to the men that murdered her boy? How did the mother in her forgive?

This much anticipated upcoming long weekend brings great joy. Kids are out of school. Trips to the beach. Easter egg hunts. Sunrise services. Easter Sunday family brunch. A time of resurrection and celebration! But I urge you to take time to reflect on what Easter truly means. Who and what was sacrificed for you. For me. The blood that was shed. Continues to be shed. That beautiful baby boy was born and died for you and me. It's easy to forget that amongst Easter baskets and Easter vacation. 

It is because of Our Savior that we are all here to say "He Is Risen!" It is because of that baby boy that we are forgiven. We can't all be missionaries. But our lives can be our mission field. Whatever bugs you? Whoever unnerves you? Let it go. Forgive. Ask Him to forgive for you if you can't do it yourself. Let the whole world know with whom you belong. You are covered in the precious royal blood! Let the grace that has been extended to you radiate & permeate everything and everyone around you.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”-Luke 23:34

Insert Smiley Face Here

I had someone contact me this past week asking if I could talk. She wanted marital advice. I assured her I was not who she needed to talk too. In our town, in our age group, there are some extraordinary examples of loving marriages with longevity. "Talk to those couples" I told her. She went on to explain that I was who she needed to talk too. She wanted to know how my husband and I have managed to stay happily married for almost 26 years. "Especially in the face of all that y'all have experienced in the past several years?" This made me laugh. "Oh my, you don't even know the half of it" I thought to myself. Insert smiley face here.

She wanted to know our "secret". I didn't even have to think about my answer. God. Literally. No magic potion. No fairy dust. We've always had a great affection for one another. But even that "spark" wasn't enough to sustain a long term marriage, of any substance, once the enemy set his foot in our home.

Several years ago my precious husband and I separated.  Well, I didn't think he was real precious then. And, if we are being candid, he probably would have described me with a word that starts with the letter "B". At the time we had one daughter in boarding school and one in college.  We had separated for all of, I think,  a week. He texted me and said "Can we talk? I want to come home." We were both miserable. But my pride was so strongly misplaced I told him "No".  I wanted him to suffer. Yep, that "B" word was probably quite accurate. Insert another smiley face here.

What drives two people, crazy about each other since they were legal to vote, to be unable to see eye to eye? Two people who had been best friends, crazy in love, loved their children? Two people who consciously planned out their goals, their expectations, their dreams? Two people active in their church, their children's school, and their community? Two people who adored each other and their family? How did we become so detached?

We sought Godly counsel and marriage counselors. Every professional said the same thing "Y'all are at an impasse. It's not resolvable." One counselor said "What makes you think you should stay married?" Both of us responded exactly the same "We believe in marriage. We love each other. We don't like each other right now. But we don't want to give up."  

And we didn't. We decided to ditch outside advice. I'd like to tell you we held hands and prayed together. Sang kumbaya. That we ran down to the beach for a romantic weekend. We didn't. My husband came home. And actually we slept in separate bedrooms for several weeks. I could hear him snoring in the guest bedroom. I prayed constantly for him to change. Isn't that hilarious? Not me. Him. I'm sure he prayed constantly that I would just shut the bleep up. 

I will say this young wives and mothers: Put God first. Period. Next, love your husband. Keep your marriage your number one earthly priority. Then your children. When our girls were young my in-laws graciously took care of our girls about one weekend a month. We put romance on the calendar. Yes. Yes, we did. We actually wrote "it" on the calendar. Plugged romance into our blackberries ( remember those?) Sometimes to a fun destination. Sometimes a weekend in a hotel in the Capitol city. Other times just a quick overnight to the beach. We put us first. As long as we did that consistently we were on the same page. We penciled in these date weekends until our oldest hit travel ball age. The youngest had just started showing ponies competitively. 

Our new approach to that season of life was divide and conquer. I took one child he took another. One of us was watching horse shows all weekend while the other was watching a ball game. Our weekends were consumed with our children's aspirations of athletic excellence. We bought into it. And, don't get me wrong, it was a wonderful season in life. We cherished that time with our daughters. Memories to last a life time. Good memories. Fun times. Great friendships with other parents were made. But little by little we lost us.

Conversations were about our kids. Calendars were penciled in with pictures of field hockey sticks, basketballs or ponies. No more red hearts symbolizing our sacred weekend getaways. We were in hotels alright--each with a different kid often in different states--not together. 

Loving our kids to death just about killed our marriage. We were always a united front when it came to our kids. But as a couple we had lost intimacy. There wasn't one defining moment. It just happened. Some how, some way, the enemy got a foothold into our marriage. Young wives and mothers put your husband and your marriage first. You're welcome. Insert know-it-all smiley face here.

I don't know when it happened. It wasn't one big thing. It wasn't one love story moment made for life time TV. We both just decided to stop acting like selfish children. We vowed to keep past wounds in the past. For real. We don't ever revisit "you said & you did". Honestly, God just showed up. I'm sure He was always there. But for whatever reason, maybe He was waiting for us to stop acting like six year olds, we forgave each other.

We each vowed to do for the other what made us feel special. I cook 4-5 nights a week. I have dinner ready when Robin walks in the door. I know this makes him feel taken care of. Appreciated. He's hungry when he gets home and he's cranky. Prepared food literally lights up his entire face. Sounds old fashioned? I figured it out. He makes decisions all day long. Big ones that effect peoples lives. When I have food ready someone has made a decision for him that he can enjoy.  

He brings me flowers every single Friday. I look forward to it more than you can imagine. They're different varieties and colors every week. They make me smile every time I walk into the kitchen. He grocery shops for me now. I'm claiming that one!  I know it's probably because he can better stick to a budget. Don't care--just love that it's done. 

We don't schedule romance anymore. For the most part it just happens. Probably not as frequently as my husband would like. Insert winking smiley face. But I don't hear him often complain--so there you go.

We've been together since we were 18 years old. That's a lot of mistakes. A lot of trial and error. A lot of pain. But a whole lot of love. A great friendship. And a lot of fun. We had a really strong foundation in our marriage. We really had good intentions.  I'm just going to put this out there: putting our kids first, for that short season, was detrimental to our marriage. And if we are being honest? Making them the center of our universe probably was detrimental to their decision making.

Warning: I have a theory. As a married couple you become yoked as one. Through that yoking God shows you humility and servitude to and for your partner. You love and respect that person. You want to make them happy. When the biblical order of marriage and life gets rearranged? You become unyoked. 

Have you ever tried to separate a yoke from egg whites in a pan? You can't do it.  Crack a full egg into a hot pan. Let it sizzle, heat up. Take your fork and try to just make a fried yoke by separating it from the center of the frying egg. It runs all over the place. Eventually you just have to make scrambled eggs. Everything becomes a scrambled mess really. We didn't want scrambled eggs. We wanted the fried egg. Oh well, it didn't work so we just settled with the scrambled eggs. And there lies the rub--you separated the yoke and convinced yourself that it was good enough.

Do we each still have our own issues to work on? Absolutely. Do we each still have idiosyncrasies that drive each other crazy? YES! That's called life. Is it now all butterflies, unicorns, skittles, and rainbows? Insert laughing hysterically  smiley face.  Um, absolutely not.  Would I change any of it? No, not for a moment. We have two grown kids that are truly joys to be around. We, now,  have a biblical marriage. No one I'd rather spend my days with than this man. No one.

It's funny,  if you do marriage God's way there really isn't that much work. And, yes, I'd be the first one to say "Oh, Dear Gawd, paleez!" But it's true! Pray together. Pray for each other. Pray for your children. Keep romance alive and well --even when you don't feel like it. It makes your spouse feel like the most important man on the planet. It makes your spouse think you are Wonder Woman. Who doesn't want to be Wonder Woman?

Slowly you'll find you are serving each other before yourself in all aspects of life. Without complaint. With joy. With pleasure. There are no more runny egg yokes. There are no more sub-par scrambled eggs. The yoke is light, easy, and perfectly cooked. Insert heart eyes smiley face here.

"Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and
you will find rest for your souls."-Matthew 11:29

Peel It Back

I opened my bible this morning to a handwritten journal of sorts. A menagerie of scripture I have been compiling for our daughter over the past several months. I started it the night she left. The first two months I was consistent in sending her a verse a day either in a letter or a text. Admittedly as the months have progressed, and daily routines have resumed, I have not been as consistent with my initial good intentions.

Scripture for 1/10/15:

"For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known."-Matthew 10:26

"The Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places"-Habakkuk 3:19

"Cast all of your anxieties on Him because He cares for you"-1 Peter 5:7

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly"- Colossians 3:16

"For each man shall bear his own burden."-Galatians 6:5

"Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your soul"-Jeremiah 6:16

"I have set the LORD continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."-Psalm 16:8

"The LORD is good, A stronghold in the day of trouble, And He knows those who take refuge in Him."-Nahum 1:7

"for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.  "-2 Corinthians 4:18

"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."-Proverbs 16:24

"Jesus replied, 'You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.'"-John 13:7

It's funny when God uses someone elses situation to teach you about yourself. Particularly when you think you are teaching them. As some of my oldest daughters students would say "Mrs. Elizabeth, God done schooled you". Yes. Yes, He did.

As I reread these scriptures I realized I needed to hear them far more than my child did. All of them. Let me rephrase that: The Lord knew I needed to hear them. That's probably one of my favorite things about my walk with Him. He knows when I need a check, when to reel me in, and when I need Him.

My hair is falling out in clumps. I have sores and bald patches. It's just hair. But hair defines some of us. People used to compliment me on my hair. If I was having a good hair day? Well, all was right in my world. Amen. Now I'm facing the decision of shaving my head, letting the diseased scalp heal, and getting a wig. I really don't want to do that. But I really may have too.

I was telling a dear friend last night that I know God never would have won my heart and my life had I not faced physical challenges.  I know that He never would have caught my attention without having these difficulties and adversities. I'm so grateful for Him. But it sucks some days. Today's one of those days.   And then I think of my friends Scott and Karen facing throat and brain cancer. I realize how immature I sound! Unappreciative of all God has blessed me with despite myself.

Back to my friend. If you don't have Godly counsel I highly recommend it. My friends response to my whining? "Giving thanks to God in the midst of harsh adversity, is truly the work of the Holy Spirit, super natural. Keep pressing in, asking The Lord to purify you in this process. Putting to death your earthly nature. Clothing yourself with His righteousness. As you continue to do so, think of it as God clothing you with His righteousness. Dressing you, Purifying You, His beautiful Bride. Preparing you to receive Him and meet Him face to face".

I can't even. Wow. Just wow. As Jesus prepares to die. To be stripped of His earthly garments. His earthly loves. His earthly comforts. As He prepares to hang on a cross for you and me? A literal sacrifice for us. Nails thru bone. We are still holding onto things that just  simply don't matter. Or shouldn't matter in the big scheme of things. We should be preparing our souls for sanctification. Justification. Offering  Him our whole lives perfectly dressed in righteousness. Baron of the flesh.

The more adversity we face? The more challenges we encounter? The more we are stripped bare? The more we need Him. Long for Him. Run to Him.

Whatever it is: health, addiction, self esteem, loneliness, anger, resentment, depression...leave it at the cross. Let Him strip it away. Peel it back. Expose the flesh so that He can heal it. Perfect it. Love it. Love You. Love me.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another"-Proverbs 27:17

Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.