This Can't Be Good

My husband and I sat in the surgeons office waiting to get specifics on my hiatal hernia surgery. After a few minutes the surgeon said "I don't think your problem is the hernia". He explained in detail what he thought was the real issue. He left the room to make a phone call. A few minutes later he was back. "I just called the gastroenterologist. It's a six month wait to get an appointment with her. She said if you'd go now she would see you". It was late Friday afternoon. The first day of Spring. All I could think of was the irony. Springing into, yet, another new season with this never ending disease. "This can't be good" I said to my husband. Always the voice of reason "Elizabeth, we don't know that yet. Let's hear what she has to say".

For six months I've been having difficulty swallowing. A constant feeling of choking. I mentioned it to my Doctor at Duke at my last checkup. She didn't seem to be concerned. She was more concerned with the progression of my Raynaud's.  Raynaud's (ray-NOHZ) disease causes some areas of your body — such as your fingers and toes — to feel numb and cold in response to cold temperatures or stress. In Raynaud's disease, smaller arteries that supply blood to your skin narrow, limiting blood circulation to affected areas (vasospasm). I mentioned the choking to my GP.  She thought there may be a correlation between the two. She scoped me that day. Which led me to the surgeon.

Lupus is a funny thing. You spend years with symptoms and then one day it goes dormant. Then all of the sudden it's like opening Pandora's box. Your body goes haywire again. Only worse than it had initially. My scalp is covered in open sores. I have alopecia, my skin is covered in sores, my legs are covered in superficial broken veins, my feet and hands are purple, my kidneys are slowing causing  swollen extremities, my voice is hoarse. I have random migraines which make my face droop similar to a stroke. My short term memory is just about non-existent. My joints are on fire, my cheeks are always bright red. My face and body are inflamed and swollen. I'm exhausted beyond reprieve by 2PM each and every single day. Now I can't swallow without feeling like I'm choking. Awesome.

After spending 30 minutes with the gastroenterologist she gave us her opinion. She thinks my esophagus is not functioning. Specifically she thinks I'm presenting with CREST syndrome. I already have all of the symptoms that make up each letter of the disease acronym "CREST" except for the "S". My esophagus is presenting like the "S" which is  scleroderma. It literally means "hardening of the skin". There is no cure. Your organs: heart, lungs, kidneys, esophagus, face, and hands eventually harden. Stop functioning. It's one of many spin off autoimmune diseases of Lupus. It used to be a death sentence. It now has a life expectancy of 10-15 years. Or it could be the actual sphincter muscle at the base of the esophagus has just quit working. Neither of these scenarios looks real promising to me. My body hates me.

After scheduling two more tests we left the GI's office. I got in the car and started to cry. "Seriously, God! What the hell do you want from me? My thyroid is shot. I have GERD, IBS, hypertension, connective tissue disease, migraines, life threatening allergies, Lupus and now this!  How much more can my body take? How much more can my husband take?!" The whole way home I sulked. Felt sorry for myself. I texted one of my best friends who happens to be my dermatologist. I unloaded on her. Bombarded her with medical questions. It was selfish. Immature. That night I told my husband where I wanted my funeral, what music to play. He literally laughed at me. "You're not dead yet. You haven't even had the tests yet. Let's just see what they show". "Why bother?" I thought "there is no cure anyway".

On Sunday we had house church. "Thank God!" I thought. I was anxious to continue my pity party with  my girlfriends. To have them pray for me. Listen to me since my husband wouldn't even engage me. It never dawned on me (and my selfish banter) that real prayers were in order. We have two people in our group who have cancer. One  friend has brain cancer. The other throat cancer.

Sunday night, after our lesson and delicious meal, we all gathered in the dining room. We prayed and laid hands on Scott  who has throat cancer. We prayed for Scott and his treatment plan. We prayed for a painless radiation journey. An uneventful round of chemotherapy. We prayed for his wife. His children. Both Scott and our friend Karen, who has brain cancer, face horrific treatment. They both have to wear Freddy Kruger style face masks which are bolted on during their radiation treatment. The chemo will cause both of them to loose their hair. They face permanent damage to their vocal chords. They both are literally fighting for their lives. Both face leaving spouses and children behind. And, yet, both of them are filled with the love of Christ. The peace that surpasses all understanding.

In that dining room, with all 20 of us praying, I felt ridiculous. Selfish. Humbled. Embarrassed. Scott proceeded to tell us that he considered his cancer one of the greatest blessings of his life. Cancer had strengthened his marriage. Caused him to realize what was important in life. He was so proud of the Godly lives his children were living. He was hopeful that his cancer would lead others to Christ. Hopeful that he would be a blessing to those he met in treatment. Tears streamed down my cheeks. "Lord, forgive me" was all I could hear ringing in my ears. "I'm inconvenienced. But I'm alive. I have nothing to complain about".

Our adversities aren't meant to punish us. Or paralyze us. They are meant to teach us.   I love the verse
2 Corinthians 13:5 "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!"

When we are living for this world we miss the lesson. We become so focused on self that we don't see the big picture. All we see is what is wrong. What is missing. What needs to be fixed. If we are living in this world but living  for Him? We are living by faith. We have the Holy Spirit inside us. We are completely prepared for all that life throws at us. The Lord has equipped us. He has given us the answers to the test!

He has a plan for us. Our difficulties and adversities are to teach us to rely on Him in all things. Without Him we will never have peace. Understanding. Clarity. Happiness. Love for others. The answer lies in slowly dying to this world and ultimately to ourselves. The more we die to ourselves? The more this senseless world makes sense. More of you, Jesus, and less of me. That's the answer to the test. All the junk in the middle? It's the good stuff. The world tells us it's the bad stuff. Satan tries to convince us it's the end. Actually, it's just the beginning. Without it we wouldn't realize how much we need Him. How much He loves us. How good life is in Him.

"Jesus replied, 'You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.'"-John 13:7

A House Divided

If you live in the South you are quite familiar with the term "House Divided". This refers to a family that has  family members on opposing ACC or SEC football  teams. Since college football is king from August until November this phrase is well known. During football season homes throughout the South proudly display "House Divided" flags on their front porches.

The catch phrase "House Divided" originates from former President Abraham Lincoln  1858 speech. The speech was intended to launch Lincoln into the political arena as the Illinois candidate for Senator. I love this speech. It holds incredible prophetic lessons for us:

"A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure, permanently, half slave and half free. I do not expect the  union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other. Either the opponents of slavery will arrest the further spread of it, and place it where the public mind shall rest in the belief that it is in the course of ultimate extinction; or its advocates will push it forward, till it shall become lawful in all the States, old as well as new — North as well as South."

This country is becoming increasingly divided with each passing day. We have two political parties, once civil and respected, taking punches at each other daily. We now have the government, many in the church, and the entertainment entertainment industries telling us that male and female genders are too inclusive. That actually in order to be fair to the country we need no longer cause division. We need to now recognize four genders: heterosexual, homosexual, transgender and bisexual. In the Church we are divided in our beliefs on a literal heaven and a literal hell. 

This country, in the name of inclusivity, has caused our nation to be the total antithesis of united. We have become a nation divided. Our country can not stand indefinitely with this type of division. In the name of fairness we have created and labeled so many groups "inclusive"  that we now have an entire country divided on: governmental, social, and spiritual issues. The foundation of this country has now , not only been shaken, but divided.

If you have the ability to stand back and observe the chaos  do so. It's brilliant. Satan is absolutely called the "master of deception" for a reason. He has successfully convinced many of us that wrong is right and right is wrong. He has blurred the lines so masterfully that we no longer have the ability to recognize truth. We have managed to become slaves to deceit.

My Nana used to tell me, as a little girl, "Lillibet, observe which way the pack is going. Then go the opposite direction". We usually don't want to go the opposite direction do we? The cool thing to do is follow the heard. Obviously if everyone is on the bandwagon it must be the right thing! Satan will try and convince you that doing the right thing enslaves you. Quite the contrary.

Jesus has made it abundantly clear that He is returning to this earth for His people. Satan knows his time on earth is marked. The more of us that he can convince to enslave the better. He tries to make us believe that we don't need any god but ourselves. We count. We need to be happy. We need to be able to explore our options. Do our own thing. The reality is that satan is a liar. His way only leads to being in slavery to sin. And guess what? That is not a popular message at all. 

Jesus tells us to follow Him. To drop everything and follow Him. He offers us eternal freedom in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. And it does come with a price. It causes division. It causes us to have to choose dying to our  old lives. No longer can we, as Christians, not take a stance. There is no more time to have one foot in the world and one foot out. Pray for your family members. Pray for your friends. We don't want a house divided. We want a house united. Pray that all we know will choose in! Because "in" the blink of an eye all could be  "out" for all eternity.

"If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand." Mark 3:25

 

I Need Some Me Time

She tucked the last of the three children into bed. She was exhausted. Her husband was working late again. She walked into the kitchen. She spotted the bottle of wine and poured herself a glass. She kicked her shoes off. Sat down in the kitchen chair. Propped her feet up on the table. She took a long slow sip of the wine. It was delicious. Soothing. Felt like it wrapped it's arms around her after chasing three kids around all day. She had dropped off and picked up children from dance, violin, choir, and soccer practice.

The scheduled activities never seemed to end. She didn't want it to end. But she did. She couldn't figure out how she was unable to balance it all when her best friend could. She was calm, sincere, and happy. She seemed to be not just content but fulfilled. She, on the other hand, was the mom always late for drop off and pick up. Late because she couldn't drag herself out of the bed in the morning. Her kids were always hyper because they were feeding off her anxiousness. She knew this was suppose to be the happiest time of her life. Honestly, it  just wasn't. But what kind of a person would admit to that?

The phone rang and it startled her. She let the machine get it. Her best friend was leaving her a message reminding her of bible study tomorrow morning. "Ugh" she thought. "I haven't even done the homework! Honestly, I'm too tired" she said to the machine. She picked the phone up and called her friend back. "Hey! Listen, I'm exhausted. I haven't done the homework. I haven't seen my husband in 3 nights. All three kids are in school tomorrow. I really need  some me time. I think I'm going to go to the tennis clinic instead." The phone was quiet. Her best friend sweetly  said  "Okay, next time. If you want to talk you know where to find me. Love you."

They had been best friends since they were 3 years old. Frick and Frack. Inseparable. Same church. Same neighborhood. Same grade school, middle school,and high school. They went to two different universities but were sisters in the same sorority. They both married boys that were high school friends and later fraternity brothers. They each had three children. And yet she realized her friend was truly happy. And she wasn't. She loved her kids, her husband, her house, her friends~sometimes~ but there was a void. She jumped  when her cell phone vibrated. Her best friend was sending her scripture again.  She snapped outloud "Geez! Enough already!  I get it! You are happy. That's just not my everything right now".  She looked down at the message:

"I love you have a good night. oxox 'Fear God and give Him glory, because  the hour of His judgement has come;Worship Him who made the heaven and the earth and the sea and springs of waters' "-Revelation 14:7

The text brought her such sorrow. She couldn't place her finger on it. A tear dropped onto the placemat at the table. Life between them had been strained. Different. Her best friend had rededicated her life to Christ. Her whole world was now God, husband, children, and Jesus friends. In that order. 

And just like that things changed. She stopped going to Bunco opting for couples bible study. They dropped out of supper club in exchange for a house church. Slowly through the year they had drifted apart. She was happy for her best friend but she didn't get it. Those women were smart, attractive and sweet but they were weird. All they cared about was world events, natural disasters and looking for Jesus to return. She knew He would. She was raised in the church. But honestly, right now, she wanted to play tennis at the club while her kids were in school. She and her husband had been saving for a place at the beach. She wanted to see her kids excel in academics, sports, and to get married. There would be plenty of time for bible study when they were older. Getting all three kids dressed and to church on Sunday was bound to count for something, right?

She got up from the table and put her empty wine glass in the dishwasher. She was about to head upstairs when she heard her husband drive up.  "Hey! How was your day handsome?"  She was so excited to see him. He looked beat. He gave her a quick hug and peck on the cheek. "Babe, I'm dead I'm going to go on to bed you coming up?" "In a second" she said. She walked over to the bible study book that was laying on the kitchen island. She opened it up to the homework that was due tomorrow. The book was called Escape the Coming Night by David Jeremiah. They were studying the book of Revelation, the Rapture, the Tribulation. All very scary. All very complicated. Why should current day Middle East troubles effect her life anyway? "Can't we just continue loving everyone like Jesus? Shower people in love and grace? Seriously, like when did that not become enough?" she thought. Repentance, wars, politics, Israel, scary things. They were just not on her radar. She didn't understand them. Honestly she saw no pressing need to take her mind there. 

The homework question she had ended on was "How is the knowledge of prophecy and the end times changing you? How should it?" She sighed heavily. She knew she should be praying with her kids more. She knew that she and her husband needed to be praying together. It was just awkward and embarrassing. She knew she needed to understand the Middle East and Israeli politics. But she just didn't care. Yet something deep inside told her it was important. She decided that she would set the alarm for 3:30AM get up and do the homework. She could then take a shower and lay back down for an hour before everyone else got up in the morning. As she slid under the covers she reached over and patted her husbands back "Night. I love you". "You too I want to hear about your day in the morning okay?" And with that they were both asleep.

She had tossed and turned all night. She thought at one point she had heard a faint blowing of a horn. She had slept through the 3:30AM alarm. "Well, I had already told her I wasn't going so I guess it's okay" she thought to herself while making the kids breakfast. She walked over and turned on the news. She couldn't believe her eyes. She switched stations. Every station was the same. Panicked she ran upstairs "Scott! Scott! Come see this NOW!" Her husband sleepily stumbled into the kitchen. He sat down at the breakfast table and looked at the commentator on the national news. His face went completely white. She immediately thought to call her best friend. Her husband called his friend. No answer at either number. She called the kids to come down for breakfast. They still hadn't come down. She sent her husband upstairs. He came back down into the kitchen looking as if he had seen a ghost. "Babe, they are gone". "What do you mean they are gone?!" she screamed. At that moment the phone rang. She raced for the receiver "Good morning, we were just calling to let you know that your tennis lesson is still on for this morning despite the breaking news".

She dropped the phone to the kitchen floor. She got down on her knees and wept. "Scott" she sobbed as she clung to her husband "She was right. She knew! She tried to tell me and I ignored her." Panic gripped around her throat "He came last night!  And we missed Him. Our babies! Our friends! They're gone!  We missed Him! We've been left. Oh dear  Lord, please, please forgive me!".

"Blow the trumpet in Zion; sound the alarm on my holy hill. Let all who live in the land tremble, for the day of the LORD is coming. It is close at hand--" Joel 2:1

Live Like You're Dying

What do you do when someone confronts you with untruths? Do you defend yourself? Are you simply silent? Do you believe them? Do you laugh it off? If you have the privilege to live long enough someone is bound not to like you. And it is likely that, if you live long enough, somebody will attack your character.

I've known people in the past that have character assassinations on a pretty regular basis. They are so grounded in who the Lord says  they are. The attacks don't phase them.

I grew up with a friend who thrived on daily drama. Seriously upset if she wasn't the topic of conversation. She loved stirring the pot. She thrived on controversy.

I have another friend who has spent her whole life trying to make sure that everyone likes her. Her fear of being disliked is akin to my fear of the stomach bug. She subconsciously does everything in her power to assure no attack ever comes.  To never ever have confrontation in her life. But good gracious she's exhausted.

David Jeremiah once said: 

 "How we respond to problems in our life exposes our values, priorities, and especially our spiritual beliefs. Our goal in life shouldn't be to eliminate problems--that will never happen. Rather, our goal should be to keep them in perspective and respond in a biblical  fashion". 

I love this quote because it is truthful and it is easily applicable. If we respond from our emotions we most surely will rely on our feelings. If we respond based on God's word we can rest in undeniable truth.

My mother in law gave me the smartest advice I've ever received. When we first moved back to my husbands home town, almost three decades ago, she lovingly advised "never talk about anyone unless it's in the confines of your own four walls. Your home is your confessional between you, your husband, your children, and God. What is said inside your four walls is sacred and should remain there. Whatever opinions you or your family have that are unkind need to remain in the sanctuary". This is also the same lovely woman who told us "No matter how poor you are buy one piece of art or antique furniture that you love each year of your marriage. When you reach middle age your home will contain only things you love and lots of beautiful memories".  In other words, my mother in law is one wise woman.

My husband and I  have followed her advice on suggestion #2. Unfortunately, through my late 20's and probably early 30's, I didn't heed her #1 advice.  I gossiped. Probably more than I'd care to admit or remember. I most probably hurt some precious people. And ultimately it hurt me. It was a painful lesson. It was a necessary lesson. Immaturity, insecurity in who I was, the need to feel liked, the need to appear more than, and the need to ward off confrontation were what drove my poor decisions. And boy did I pay the price!

Just as David Jeremiah stated we must respond to attacks and controversy from a biblical position. What does that mean? Hopefully you are bonded with friends with whom you no longer need to gossip and cause controversy. But in the event that you are accused of any kind of social wrong doing gossip, lying, etc. you must approach it from a biblical standpoint.

First and foremost you must be right with Jesus. You must repent of your sins. And I don't mean throwing Him back up on that cross in the name of the law. I mean just as your children will come to you periodically "Mama, I really wasn't at Jane's I'm so sorry for lying please forgive me". Likewise that does not mean you intentionally sin knowing that you will be forgiven.

If you obey Him  you can rest in His peace in all of your decisions. Our goal as a sinful people is to let Jesus mold us into who He says we are. That involves sometimes being silent and sometimes it involves discussion. Jesus wants us to approach one another in humility and forgiveness. Matthew 18 is an incredibly powerful chapter on inclusiveness and reconciliation.

Tim McGraw's song Live Like You Are Dying could truly have been an anthem for the church.  If we live like we are dying? Well, we speak sweeter. We offer forgiveness where none is due. We literally die to our sinful nature in anticipation of our heavenly home. We acknowledge our past and present sins, conscientiously  live in the here and now, and anticipate our heavenly future. We treat each other the way Jesus treats us, Amen?

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses."-Matthew 18:15-16

When Push Comes To Shove

We had just purchased our first home. A 1950 cottage with a ton of character, great moldings, high ceilings and oil heat. Our first born daughter was 22 months old. My husband had found a position with a brokerage firm in  our town. "Back in the day" those positions were really competitive. It was a privilege to have gotten the interview much less the job. The one catch? It was 100% commission. It was terrifying. However Robin wanted to trade stocks and bonds as a career. He was confidant that he would succeed. I trusted him and knew he would be successful.  I went back to work while he grew his business.

One day, while we were both at work, our housekeeper thought it was too cold in our home. So I called and had oil delivered. When they came to deliver the oil Doris told the man to fill it up. The service man had left a hand written bill for $400. Equivalent to almost $800 today. I was in absolute panic. I think our entire take home pay at that time was $1000. How would we be able to pay it? Let alone pay our mortgage,  insurance, utilities, nursery school costs, groceries and our babysitter on my salary?

When push comes to shove who do you depend on? Who do you call first? Ask for help first? Do you panic? Or are you calm as you try to figure it out? 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to "Cast all of your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."  I remember reading that as a young mother and thinking "that's awesome but I need real help. Immediately. Like yesterday!".

My mother used to tell my brother and I the story of her Christmas miracle. My grandfather had died and left my grandmother with a 5 year old and a 2 year old to raise during the Depression. My grandmother had no skills. However she was an amazing southern cook. My mother's entire childhood my grandmother would take in boarders and offer them 3 meals a day. Mostly men traveling from the North thru the South looking for work.  My grandmother never had a checking account. She read her bible and did crossword puzzles every day. If the baptist church doors were open Cornelia was there with her two small children in tow.

The Christmas my mother was 5 my grandmother tucked my mother and uncle into bed. She said prayers with them and then told them how much Jesus loved them. She explained to them that there was not enough money to celebrate Christmas that year. Mother talked about it being the darkest, coldest winter of her life. She said my grandmother prayed without ceasing believing the Lord would provide.

On Christmas Eve someone stuck $100 in an envelope in my grandmothers money jar that she kept over the sink. $100 in the late 1930's was a fortune.  I remember asking my mother, every time she would tell the story, what she received for Christmas that year. She always replied with the same answer "You know? I have no idea! Maybe a doll and a tea set.  I just remember that we had witnessed a miracle".

My mother called to talk to her grand-baby and to check in with us. She asked how we were. I told her about the oil bill. I explained how absolutely panicked I was. She said "Lillibet, do you remember how Nana literally had no money left and someone left us $100?" Eyes roll from the first time, know it all, mother from my end of the call. "Yes". "You just need to trust that God will take care of it. You have a wonderful home, beautiful daughter, a job you like and a wonderful husband". She was right. Honestly at 25 years old I wanted to hear "That is terrible how can we help?" I didn't really have time to pray about it nor did I want too. I just needed to be able to pay the debt for the oil.

How often do we push Jesus aside in order to try and resolve our own problems? How's that usually work out for us? (Note Sarcasm). One of several things was happening in my oil scenario:

(1) God was trying to lovingly teach us how to problem solve
(2) God was trying to teach us about blind faith
(3) God was trying to teach us that we were not the solution to our own problems
(4) God was trying to show us that when He's in control there is no place for fear

I don't have a climatic ending to the story. Honestly, I don't remember how we paid for it. And I guess, maybe, that is the point.  Step by step God walked us through building the foundation of our marriage. Of our family. It took a while but through the years we have learned not to panic in the face of adversity. If we do have moments of  panic we seek the council of Godly friends. Those friends are gems in our lives. I can call any one of them, in fact I did it yesterday, and say "I'm facing this. I need  counsel on how to solve this problem biblically". Within minutes my phone and email will be full of scripture to help reconcile the issue.

If we approach problem solving with 100% faith that God will solve it?  He will! It doesn't matter if we don't trust ourselves. My problem yesterday I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I could not solve without bringing my emotions into it. I knew that was a recipe for disaster. We have to trust Him. If we approach problem solving according to His biblical standards? Well, that's a no brainer! The issue will be reconciled according to His will. And it may be hard. We may face backlash. It may be painful. But we can rest peacefully knowing that we did the right thing. If we bring our opinions into the solution there is room for chaos, distrust, gossip, accusations. When we use God's word to problem solve we know that the solution is based on truth, His word, and it is infallible.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an
opportunity for great joy"-James 1:2

Peter Cottontail

Like many of you I grew up in a domination that recognized Lent. Lent is the 40 days following up to Easter. The premise was to give up something for Christ. Make a deliberate sacrifice for Jesus. Because, of course, He gave His life for us.  Every year I would give up something like sugar or soft drinks. If memory serves me correctly, and that's questionable as of late, I don't think I ever made it the full 40 days in my entire childhood.

This year the Lord prompted me to do a little study on Lent. This is what I found.

At Jesus' baptism the sky split open, the Spirit of God, which looked like a dove, descended and landed on Jesus, and a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, My Beloved, with whom I am pleased." Afterward, as told in Matthew 4:1-11, Jesus was sent into the wilderness by the Spirit. Where he fasted and prayed for 40 days. During his time there he was tempted by Satan. What he found was clarity and strength to resist temptation. Afterwards, he was ready to begin his ministry . 

Easter has always been my favorite holy day-even above Christmas. I wish the  church would do a better job explaining the true joy and meaning of Christmas and Easter. We are a rewards based society. Santa Claus knows if we've been bad or good. If we have been bad? No Christmas for us! But wasn't Jesus born, quite honestly, for all of us who are bad? 

When our kids are so focused on the Easter bunny , candy, Santa, and gifts?Threy miss out on the really sweet treat. Jesus! He was born for us. He died was buried and rose again all for us!  He was the ultimate sacrificial Lamb! We no longer have to "work" to sacrifice for Him. He did that for us. Woot Woot! Let's throw a party and celebrate!

Here is where I think Lent can be confusing for academic pastors  as well as unknowing Christians and children alike. Or at least it was for me. Lent and Christmas were the two times of year where I made a conscious effort to be "good". During Christmas for obvious reasons--can you say presents? (Don't even get me started on Santa Claus, Elf On The Shelf, and the Easter Bunny).  During Lent I "tried" (worked) very hard because my whole family observed Lent. I'd be the odd man out if I let my parents down.  I'd be "bad" if I couldn't sacrifice something for Jesus, Amen? 

But here's the thing:  I could never complete the task. Then I'd beat myself up. I'd apologize to Jesus all the while promising I would work harder next year.  Then, because I had failed, I put it out of mind. I went on with the rest of my spring, summer and fall until Christmas rolled around.  I totally missed the whole point of the 40 days of observance. He died on the cross for my sins. Because He did this for me I no longer had to work for His approval or love. It was unconditional. 

Unending amazing grace! Jesus wanted a relationship with me! I didn't connect the dots that I needed to be intentionally praying and communing all year long. Not just Christmas and Easter. Not because it was expected. A work of commitment. But because Jesus Christ rose from the dead just for me!! To save me from myself. To love me intimately. To have a relationship with me.

Jesus used those 40 days in the wilderness to commune with God uninterrupted.  Matthew 4 tells us that Jesus used that time to prepare for His ministry.  At the end of the 40 days, after being tempted by satan, He was ready. He had fasted and put on His full Armor of God. He began His ministry with fervor. Did He sacrifice?  Yes, he fasted in order to better be able to commune with His father. But His real sacrifice was dying on the cross for our sins.

I love Lent.  But I also know that  I  can rest in His promises to us because of the crucifixion and His resurrection. If I want to show respect for what He did for us I can give up and present Him with my works. But, again, it is not necessary. He is the official sacrificial Lamb. The work is over. If I want to show my love, my heart, my devotion to Him? I can choose to rest in knowing He's already made the sacrifices. Now He wants us to come to Him. To love Him unconditionally as He loves us. One of my favorite scriptures  is
Mathew 11:28-30:  

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and My burden in light". 

The work is over. There is no need to be tired. Ask Him into your heart. There you will find peace. Rest. The grace that surpasses all understanding. Amen!

Jesus Doesn't Expect Us Too

Do you have someone in your life who is incredibly moody?  Bet you $100 you do. It's frustrating. Maddening. Confusing. My guess is that you walk on egg shells around them? Or you just avoid them all together. Because usually being around someone like that is exhausting. First you want to help. Then when you are shot down your feelings are hurt. Some how they manage to illuminate their issues onto you.

The world tells us to confront. To engage. To argue. To discuss our feelings. But honestly? It's not your problem. It is their problem. Galatians 5:22 tells us "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control". As followers of Christ we are to act in a spirit of love towards others. We are to demonstrate joy and peace in our lives. We are to be patient and kind. We are to dwell in goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness. And, drum roll, self control.

We are not physically able to do all of the above on our own. And Jesus doesn't expect us too. He came to fulfill the law. To die for our sins. To take those sins away. If we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us? That is the only way we can act in this manner. I take exception to self control however.  This is not biblical, just my opinion, self control is a choice. We can choose not to be moody by exercising self control. God blessed us with the freedom of choice. To choose right from wrong using our God given free will.

We've all experienced, one time or another,  a bad mood. Your children or spouse snap back in response to the tone you've set for your household  "Why are you in such a bad mood?" You reply "I don't know! I just am. I'm sorry." Scripture abounds with examples of those whose mood and outlook were affected by their setting.

Saul, king of Israel, became inordinately depressed by the pressures of his office, yet often was incited to faith and optimism by the influence of music (1 Sam 16:23). 

David could be inspired to great reverence by the influence of godly people such as Nathan. However he was thrown into a moral dilemma when he watched Bathsheba, from the roof of his palace, bathing
(2 Sam 7, 11:2-4).

Peter broke sharply with his bias toward Gentiles after his rooftop vision and missionary experiences. Yet he was drawn back into the same prejudice through the influence of less enlightened Christians (Acts 10; Gal 2:11-13).

These are all examples of our behavior. Our moods. They effected not only the sinner but those who surrounded them. Like us they all had a choice. I'm not sure when this big ole world decided that we no longer need accountability. But we have corporately decide that. Rarely, in any situation, do you hear anyone taking responsibility for their actions. Their choices. 

I am a prime example. I was a gym addict for a decade. When my first symptoms started in my autoimmune disease I was in a lot of pain. Frankly, I should have kept going.  I had used working out as a way to keep my head clear. But the pain was debilitating. This effected my self esteem and my mental status. I would snap at my kids and my husband. My moods were out of control because I felt so bad physically and mentally. I would always apologize BUT I would blame it on illness. I had no accountability. My family suffered the consequences of my decision not to choose self control over my emotions. I figured it out eventually. I made a choice to take my grievances to God and not my family. I'm by no means perfect. There are still days when I catch myself complaining.

Think about Jesus before He was sentenced to die. He knew He was going to be murdered. He knew some would betray Him. He knew people would mock Him. But He never complained. He cried out to His Abba Father! Before we cry out to our family and friends in distress make the choice to cry out to Jesus! He will understand your exact problem. It won't ruin His day. He will let you vent without hurting feelings. He will most likely place an angel in your path to help with finding resolution!

"In everything gives thanks" -1 Thessalonians 5:18